If such words reach you somehow(which I hope they don't, or else I would bury my head into concrete), I just wanted to say

Thank you for not giving up, despite everything.

There is way more memories, and way more things I could add to this already long post, but I decided to share this memory that I more than commonly remember, and I'm glad to do so.

I will never forget those moments.
The harsher ones, the tearful ones, the joyful ones...

After that, I admit I became a little "selfish", and began to stream more frequently, hoping to see her or any of them lurking in my chat again. Which happened again, in my birthday. By this point, I was ready to dedicate myself to make her happy, in hopes that I could give back what she gave me.

She didn't had to do it. She would get into trouble for that. Yet she took a few minutes of her time to keep me a tiny bit of company. Not only that, but this moment served to create a bond with other members that would be absolutely special.

I could never thank her enough for that.

I had no microphone, no optimal settings, my stream was lagging like hell...

And she, with a couple of other members of the community went to my chat, and kept me company for a solid few minutes.

I alt-tabbed like crazy to answer the comments the best I could, but most of the time I was in shock.

It was with a sum of loneliness, self-pity, and a little spark of hope, that one fateful day, I decided to open OBS on my cursed i3 laptop, along with Guilty Gear +R, and stream on Twitch simply because.

What followed next became a memory I will forever cherish.

Amidst all the rollercoaster that we rode, I think it is safe to say that she was my first motivation to pursue content creation. I was inspired by her determination and passion, her big heart and loving personality, and I thought to myself that I could do good for the world the same way she does.

And, as usual with any unstable person, the brainworms came in like a truck. Not being able to attend and event due to external matters is something that happens to everyone.

But for me, it felt more like a betrayal of sorts, considering how happy she gets from those moments.

One of the biggest regrets of my stay in the community was not being able to completely engage in community events due to my PC being a complete wreckage.

She loved to play games with the community, and such experience were often regarded as the best moments the community had.

As for me, it was no different. I wanted to do LOTS of things for her, be it helping at discord events, clipping, hanging out, or even entering financial decay. A lack of responsibility of my part, I admit.

Time passed on, relations and connections were established.

Knowing this, chat at the time moved hell and earth to make sure she would have the greatest time of her life while streaming. Big sums of superchats, memberships, our presence, no amount of love would be enough for us to give her.

Such behavior culminated in chat and streamer being quite attached.

Needless to say, I used to stay up at like... 5AM and beyond just to catch her up live. Call it love and admiration or complete stupidity(bet on the latter).

She was very open about some of her struggles as well, which were no less than painful. Which contributed to make her more relatable.