i need to stop drinking at night i think it just makes me sad and stupid

its worse that i tried to convince myself i had a crush on this girl in my college friendgroup. she doesnt even text me, shes not even that nice to me. i keep doing this. i keep pinning a crush on whoevers furthest from me for what? unrequited pining like what ive always done?

does he even understand how much hes loved? how hes the only reason im still here? hes fictional. he cant feel anything. hes not even real and he means more to me than even the thought of a future partner. i cant even imagine dating anyone, the thought of being in love makes me sick

im 12 without the fond memories and directionless whimsy. i dont want adulthood like this i dont want to grow older and farther away from what I love. i keep staring at my shrine and weeping because hes still there all these years. and im not anymore. im miles away from when we met and im miserable

i want to feel that strange tingling in the back of my brain stem when i first saw venoct. i dont care if its nostalgia its MY emotion, its MINE. i just want to laugh again, to feel better for once. i dont even have any friends at school they dont text me unless i do first its just like back then

i really should draw while high sometime thatd be fun

my friend arro is so cool love

How I'm showing up to the bluesky Xmas party