/j he’s really hot and I wish I could pack it on at the speed of light, excess puppy for him to dig his claws into,,

The extra a is the scream from my overstuffed gut. Quiet down, you 👊🏻💥

I don’t like that I think like this but I guess it’s good to get the negative spiral-thoughts out somewhere instead of letting them build and fester, helps to separate them and call them what they are

I think we all want that, and yet we don’t actively try to surround ourselves with it or even try to embody it ourselves.

We just *want* it. Because we’re trained dopamine whores getting further and further away from ideas of true community that don’t involve enough personal validation

The healed ones, the honest and communicative ones, the aspirational ones, the doers with the fire of love for their fellow man driving them to actual action — and maybe I’m just not hanging around in the right spaces to find that

I just wish I could do anything without it feeling like an uphill battle for once. Why does it all take so much out of me rahhh

I probably need my meds upped lmao. probably need to go back to therapy, probably need to do a lot of things. It’s just hard to see why I should do them when they’re for Me

No one really cares that much or maybe i just hide it really well. Either way, I don’t wanna be here

Give me praise and encouragement? You get a squeeze. Buy me a meal? Get a squeeze. Tease? Squeeze. Fuck, you’re *nice* to me? You get a hefty squeeze of these rolls, brother!

Actually VISIT me to stuff me irl?? Well. At that point, you get to decide my goal weight.

😇

Self-actualising; I’m putting on a stone of fat before the end of the year and the first person to make the effort will be getting first squeeze 🤝

When you stop waiting and hoping and start acting >>>

I know it’s probably Thee Pression just like it’s bleeding into everything else in my life, but god I wish I could look forward to a good meal again like I used to