i cant have been unlucky for this long i wish i at least got feedback in the hiring process

i just want to live in a space i can call mine, i want to cook and care for plants and carve wood
i want to spend time with those i care about
thats kinda it
why is that so difficult
how is that such a problem
how can i not solve it

and i wish they wouldnt so that i could.
ive wanted to leave for so long but im too concerned that itll hurt others more than me being here does
what a conundrum!
i dont have crazy goals or wants or needs

what can i do
what should i do
i feel so helpless and so detrimental to literally everybody
and feeling like this doesnt help that any
it just makes people worry
it forces people to feel like they need to pay attention to me or ill disappear

idk quite what i can do

im still unemployed
im trans and live in america
im living off of someone elses goodwill
im mentally ill enough that going outide is a genuine challenge every time i go

im tired of trying to push through to tomorrow.
im tired of pushing through til next week.
im tired of pushing.
im tired of existing frankly but ive made too many promises so i cant really do anything abt it

im assuming not so im just going to
write some stuff here i guess

hii i get to look at a bunch of cats so its pretty chill