Murray Valeriano
@murrayv.bsky.social
Writer. Comedian. Surfer.
Trump has been missing for the past few days, but fortunately they found him. He was in the Epstein Files.
August 30, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Trump has been missing for the past few days, but fortunately they found him. He was in the Epstein Files.
"There is no Epstein client list, but somehow Clinton is still on it." - MAGA
July 8, 2025 at 3:00 PM
"There is no Epstein client list, but somehow Clinton is still on it." - MAGA
Trump is really making gameshow hosts look bad.
June 22, 2025 at 6:50 AM
Trump is really making gameshow hosts look bad.
Trump just changed his relationship status to “It’s Complicated.”
June 5, 2025 at 11:06 PM
Trump just changed his relationship status to “It’s Complicated.”
BREAKING: Elon Musk uses “Key to the White House” to do bumps.
May 31, 2025 at 6:04 PM
BREAKING: Elon Musk uses “Key to the White House” to do bumps.
Taco Trump: Soft shell, full of shit and the orange stuff isn’t cheese.
May 28, 2025 at 9:32 PM
Taco Trump: Soft shell, full of shit and the orange stuff isn’t cheese.
The same MAGAts who bitch about gender and bathrooms are the same Dbags that will rush their girlfriends into the men’s room at a Kid Rock concert when the women’s line is too long.
May 25, 2025 at 5:29 PM
The same MAGAts who bitch about gender and bathrooms are the same Dbags that will rush their girlfriends into the men’s room at a Kid Rock concert when the women’s line is too long.
When you pretend to be a Christian, pretending you don’t know anything about Bruce Springsteen or the term “86” is a cake walk!
May 20, 2025 at 12:20 PM
When you pretend to be a Christian, pretending you don’t know anything about Bruce Springsteen or the term “86” is a cake walk!
I remember when I worked in restaurants and I learned that when they said “86 marinara sauce” it meant they killed the marinara sauce in the walk-in freezer. 
May 16, 2025 at 9:59 PM
I remember when I worked in restaurants and I learned that when they said “86 marinara sauce” it meant they killed the marinara sauce in the walk-in freezer. 
RFK Jr. said people should not take medical advice from him, so please, continue taking it from Joe Rogan.
May 14, 2025 at 10:10 PM
RFK Jr. said people should not take medical advice from him, so please, continue taking it from Joe Rogan.
If you’re looking for a picture of your Mother to post today, call me.
May 11, 2025 at 9:53 PM
If you’re looking for a picture of your Mother to post today, call me.
Chicago might have the Pope, but Jersey still has the best pizza.
May 8, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Chicago might have the Pope, but Jersey still has the best pizza.
I've been in Alaska for 24 hours. I already saw a whale, an eagle and two bears.... not the animal, two big hairy gay guys in the jacuzzi.
May 6, 2025 at 7:33 PM
I've been in Alaska for 24 hours. I already saw a whale, an eagle and two bears.... not the animal, two big hairy gay guys in the jacuzzi.
I’m remaining Easter as Roman Victory Day.
May 3, 2025 at 7:03 PM
I’m remaining Easter as Roman Victory Day.
Trump is remaining Veteran’s Day to Gulf of American Day.
May 2, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Trump is remaining Veteran’s Day to Gulf of American Day.
I'm available to name your cat.
April 22, 2025 at 2:23 AM
I'm available to name your cat.
Whatsaaaaaaaaaaap!
March 25, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Whatsaaaaaaaaaaap!
Wait. Which George Foreman died? George? George? George? George? George or George?
March 22, 2025 at 2:41 AM
Wait. Which George Foreman died? George? George? George? George? George or George?
Wait. What if you drive a Tesla into the Capitol Building???
March 21, 2025 at 11:35 PM
Wait. What if you drive a Tesla into the Capitol Building???
I wonder how Kid Rock feels about getting Ted Nugent’s sloppy seconds?
March 11, 2025 at 11:58 PM
I wonder how Kid Rock feels about getting Ted Nugent’s sloppy seconds?
I can't believe we spent 100 million dollars to send condoms to Hamas' transgender mice.
March 6, 2025 at 6:51 PM
I can't believe we spent 100 million dollars to send condoms to Hamas' transgender mice.
When are we gonna stop transgender mice from competing in sports???
March 5, 2025 at 9:19 PM
When are we gonna stop transgender mice from competing in sports???
I wonder how JD Vance keeps his eyeliner from running after Trump jizzes all over his face.
March 4, 2025 at 2:49 AM
I wonder how JD Vance keeps his eyeliner from running after Trump jizzes all over his face.