you're the only person still here :/

im here for phd stuff which means falling asleep during talks and only interacting with nerds for a week

even on the small scale i think i forget how nice undirected activity is actually. im very concerned with 'being productive' and so all my free time has to be working towards some goal (even if that means fitting in as much time to play a game as possible), which ends up building a lot of routine.

oh hey, im in your gc for the alerts. sorry to hear all the shit you've been putting up with

just saying when you have a jumper that goes down to your knees it just makes sense

yea will do, not sure where to rly start looking though. and london cafes are 100% like that too yea, i think we invented that

g/acc was too ahead of its time, imagine if they came up with it on tiktok

i'd like to read more on this sort of thing. typical marxist stuff of alienation obviously, but what life looked like before neoliberalism, and exactly how this transition happened, would be really fascinating if not overly depressing. i think this sort of thing is what i'm most passionate about.

but again this isn't meant to bemoan any of my own experience so far (its been much better than this lets on), i get most upset about this when thinking about how generalised a condition it is, and what not only everyone else must be missing out on but what we must all be missing out on together.

anywhere that's a shop/cafe *and* something resembling a community has to be so tightly cherished, any public space that isn't just a highstreet is the center of the universe. everywhere else, regardless of how trendy or active, is so desolate.

this isn't meant to be about finding the right kind of events or friends though, i just so often find myself so thoroughly disappointed by my surroundings these days. its always been this way, strictly worse elsewhere, but i no longer have the prospect of something higher to defer to.

with the help of marxism and the direct experience of living in somewhere like london. even here, its still such a struggle to find genuine, organic interaction and community for anything. the best i've done is found something underground and had the privilege of looking in as an observer

but yk i guess its creative maturity to not force in every satisfying point for the sake of the whole picture. im hoping all the extra bits are inferred by what is there, but can i trust people this much? i rly worry if i don't make something explicit it won't ever click for ppl

this is a joke, obviously im just anemic