Jennifer Parker
@mrsjparker.bsky.social
Making two tiny humans laugh one fart joke at a time
Pinned
Jennifer Parker
@mrsjparker.bsky.social
· Nov 13
My 5yo was bragging to his brother about how he does the highest flips on the trampoline. I’m not sure where he gets his need to be better than other people, but he’s mistaken because I’m the highest flipper.
Today my 5yo learned that kitchen rhymes with bitchin’ and he won’t let us forget it.
October 26, 2025 at 5:32 PM
Today my 5yo learned that kitchen rhymes with bitchin’ and he won’t let us forget it.
My husband offered me a “high-protein cheese” made from Greek yogurt instead of real cheese. I’m calling the police.
October 21, 2025 at 2:24 AM
My husband offered me a “high-protein cheese” made from Greek yogurt instead of real cheese. I’m calling the police.
Motherhood is saving one kid’s lemonade from hitting the floor while the other kid sneezes on your food
October 19, 2025 at 12:11 AM
Motherhood is saving one kid’s lemonade from hitting the floor while the other kid sneezes on your food
Fall is great because every time I run my dryer the little corn pieces from the pumpkin patch magically appear
October 17, 2025 at 2:36 PM
Fall is great because every time I run my dryer the little corn pieces from the pumpkin patch magically appear
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, I say as I hand the ball my kid just kicked over the fence back to him.
October 17, 2025 at 2:07 AM
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, I say as I hand the ball my kid just kicked over the fence back to him.
Have we tried unplugging him and plugging him back in?
- Me after a hard day with my kid
- Me after a hard day with my kid
October 16, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Have we tried unplugging him and plugging him back in?
- Me after a hard day with my kid
- Me after a hard day with my kid
Passing down my fear of public restrooms generationally
October 15, 2025 at 7:52 PM
Passing down my fear of public restrooms generationally
My toxic trait is thinking I don’t need to change out of my good clothes because I won’t get paint on them this time
October 15, 2025 at 11:18 AM
My toxic trait is thinking I don’t need to change out of my good clothes because I won’t get paint on them this time
Me: Everything hurts and I’m dying.
Also me: These Oreos are helping though.
Also me: These Oreos are helping though.
October 12, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Me: Everything hurts and I’m dying.
Also me: These Oreos are helping though.
Also me: These Oreos are helping though.
Sometimes I like to microwave my already hot coffee because I can’t enjoy it unless it’s hurting me.
October 12, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Sometimes I like to microwave my already hot coffee because I can’t enjoy it unless it’s hurting me.
You know you had a good night at the pumpkin patch when 30% of your expenses were corn dogs and donuts
October 11, 2025 at 5:32 PM
You know you had a good night at the pumpkin patch when 30% of your expenses were corn dogs and donuts
5yo: Mommy, there’s hair on your arm.
Me: Yep.
5yo: You’re turning into Dad.
Me: Yep.
5yo: You’re turning into Dad.
October 10, 2025 at 1:30 AM
5yo: Mommy, there’s hair on your arm.
Me: Yep.
5yo: You’re turning into Dad.
Me: Yep.
5yo: You’re turning into Dad.
Happy hiding under a blanket while your husband watches scary movies season to all who celebrate
October 7, 2025 at 2:55 AM
Happy hiding under a blanket while your husband watches scary movies season to all who celebrate
7yo: Imagine if a baby knew karate when it was born.
Me: I cannot.
Me: I cannot.
October 6, 2025 at 3:48 PM
7yo: Imagine if a baby knew karate when it was born.
Me: I cannot.
Me: I cannot.
No one warns you that the hardest part of having boys is accepting you’ll never have a clean toilet again.
Oh, you just cleaned it? How cute! They peed on it already.
Oh, you just cleaned it? How cute! They peed on it already.
October 5, 2025 at 5:57 PM
No one warns you that the hardest part of having boys is accepting you’ll never have a clean toilet again.
Oh, you just cleaned it? How cute! They peed on it already.
Oh, you just cleaned it? How cute! They peed on it already.
Nothing says my kids broke something like a crash immediately followed by complete silence.
October 4, 2025 at 2:52 PM
Nothing says my kids broke something like a crash immediately followed by complete silence.
A 5-pound bag of candy corn would fix me.
October 3, 2025 at 8:04 PM
A 5-pound bag of candy corn would fix me.
Taking out a second mortgage on my house to pay for my kid’s book fair haul
October 1, 2025 at 10:21 PM
Taking out a second mortgage on my house to pay for my kid’s book fair haul
Civil war but it’s just my husband trying to water the grass and killing my flowers instead.
October 1, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Civil war but it’s just my husband trying to water the grass and killing my flowers instead.
7yo: Mom, what’s 6 7 mean?
Me: I don’t think anyone knows.
7yo: I think it means she’s gotta big back.
Me: NOPE. No. No, that’s not what that means. Don’t repeat that.
Me: I don’t think anyone knows.
7yo: I think it means she’s gotta big back.
Me: NOPE. No. No, that’s not what that means. Don’t repeat that.
September 30, 2025 at 2:19 PM
7yo: Mom, what’s 6 7 mean?
Me: I don’t think anyone knows.
7yo: I think it means she’s gotta big back.
Me: NOPE. No. No, that’s not what that means. Don’t repeat that.
Me: I don’t think anyone knows.
7yo: I think it means she’s gotta big back.
Me: NOPE. No. No, that’s not what that means. Don’t repeat that.
Once again I find myself in a long car ride with two screaming kids and zero noise canceling AirPods
September 28, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Once again I find myself in a long car ride with two screaming kids and zero noise canceling AirPods
Not to brag but I opened my junk drawer and there were FOUR (4) pairs of scissors in it
September 28, 2025 at 3:56 PM
Not to brag but I opened my junk drawer and there were FOUR (4) pairs of scissors in it
For the third year in a row, my kid has requested I dress as a marshmallow for Halloween. Because I *checks notes* “look like a marshmallow.”
September 27, 2025 at 11:05 PM
For the third year in a row, my kid has requested I dress as a marshmallow for Halloween. Because I *checks notes* “look like a marshmallow.”
A long drive and some Pink Floyd on the radio. Exactly what I needed to knock these kids out.
September 27, 2025 at 5:43 PM
A long drive and some Pink Floyd on the radio. Exactly what I needed to knock these kids out.
I’m stronger now.
— my kid pushing his older brother off the couch on the morning of this 5th birthday
— my kid pushing his older brother off the couch on the morning of this 5th birthday
September 26, 2025 at 3:16 PM
I’m stronger now.
— my kid pushing his older brother off the couch on the morning of this 5th birthday
— my kid pushing his older brother off the couch on the morning of this 5th birthday