Michael Lauer
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Michael Lauer
@mrlauer.bsky.social
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Lurker, dilettante, and occasional poetaster
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Some thoughts on Harvard’s Claudine Gay,
And why she quit the other day;
The squalid story’s bad, but worse,
I’ve put the whole thing into verse.
Consider now one Claudine Gay, Who, up until the other day, Was president of Harvard U, A well-respected scholar, too. She’d aced the college admin biz! She was on top — until, that is, Chris Rufo and Elise Stefanik Conjured up a moral panic, Invited her up to the Hill Along with U Penn’s Liz Magill And Sally K of MIT, So that these college prexies three Could have their days made super-shitty By a bad faith House Committee. It must be said, they did real bad, And their performance just was sad: For coached by lawyers, they replied To questions about genocide With answers dry and legalistic, Heartless, formal, casuistic, Which to a context-lacking critic Sound a tad antisemitic. Why couldn’t they get PR flaks, Not counselors, to have their backs? But in their fear of getting sued They fucked up bad, and now they’re screwed. Or better yet, though this seems bleak, They, like Columbia’s Shafik, Could just have said they wouldn’t show: “Oh, thanks for asking us, but no, We’ve got to wash our hair that day.” They couldn’t win, so best not play. But I digress! Let’s move along. Reaction came both swift and strong. Penn’s donors having massive clout, Within a week Magill was out. But Gay and Kornbluth stood more firm. Now, how could Rufo make them squirm? “I know!” he said, “we’ll run their stuff Through turnitin!” And sure enough, His minions found in Dr. Gay’s Works and papers turns of phrase That look a little plagiarizey — Nothing long, or deep, or spicey, But bits that range from total shite To “Gosh, Claudine, that needs a cite!” Now public figures can survive Worse scandals than this petty jive: Neil Gorsuch cribbed whole paragraphs For his loquacious monographs; When this came out, was he caught short? No, not at all, he’s on the Court! But in this case the New York Times Concluded that such heinous crimes Rated coverage night and day, And soon enough, poor Doctor Gay Was forced to give up and resign. (But she’s got tenure, she’ll be fine!) This sordid tale bodes very ill, For right-wing zealots want to kill And extirpate all academe, And from this sad affair it seems That mainstream media is cool With with being the know-nothings’ tool, In using, with great glee, their power To undermine the Ivory Tower. And now they’ve engineered this coup They will not stop at one or two. Though Kornbluth still is at the ’Tute I’m sure they’re planning how to boot Her. Then who’s next? If even Ivies Can’t defend against these crises, What’s a poorer school to do, A lib. arts college? Big state U? If admins want to keep their jobs They’ll surely kowtow to the mobs. So as we all become more dumb, I’ll sign off now, ’cause geez I’m glum.
January 4, 2024 at 10:02 PM