*putting on thinkingn cap* charles martinet jumping on top of an active school shootr to stop them while pressing a lego mario coin block in his hand

looking for advice, how do you shop at a piggly wiggly (if the kroger/albertsons merger goes thru this may be my reality)... i heard the greeter is a guy who gets to punch you in the stomach when you walk inside and a rela live pig gets to put its snout in your grocery bag on the way out?