matt
@mpalm.bsky.social
i placed 7th in my sixth grade geography bee.
If you don’t know who the “email dork” is at work then it’s probably you. Stop sending dumb emails because I audibly call you a dork every time.
January 11, 2024 at 11:53 PM
If you don’t know who the “email dork” is at work then it’s probably you. Stop sending dumb emails because I audibly call you a dork every time.
Did anyone’s elementary school actually embrace their mascot? Or were you all posers like me.
January 8, 2024 at 3:23 AM
Did anyone’s elementary school actually embrace their mascot? Or were you all posers like me.
I use the “auto-sense” setting on my dishwasher. I wish at the end it would tell me if it was a normal load or that I’m a gross piece of shit. “DISHES ARE DONE LITTLE PIGGY. FILL YOUR TROUGHS WITH SLOP”
December 31, 2023 at 4:55 PM
I use the “auto-sense” setting on my dishwasher. I wish at the end it would tell me if it was a normal load or that I’m a gross piece of shit. “DISHES ARE DONE LITTLE PIGGY. FILL YOUR TROUGHS WITH SLOP”
The new bluesky logo makes me feel like I downloaded the Claire’s app.
December 24, 2023 at 3:38 PM
The new bluesky logo makes me feel like I downloaded the Claire’s app.
I like how we collectively rejected Dippin’ Dots as the ice cream of the future.
December 15, 2023 at 1:01 AM
I like how we collectively rejected Dippin’ Dots as the ice cream of the future.
Anybody else try to be the fastest at the hearing test in elementary school or were you normal?
November 24, 2023 at 2:20 AM
Anybody else try to be the fastest at the hearing test in elementary school or were you normal?
Saw a commercial for the Hess truck. I haven’t seen a Hess gas station since 1997.
November 23, 2023 at 1:47 PM
Saw a commercial for the Hess truck. I haven’t seen a Hess gas station since 1997.
Add French fries to a salad and call it healthy kind of day.
November 18, 2023 at 2:20 PM
Add French fries to a salad and call it healthy kind of day.
sorry for party-rockin.
November 11, 2023 at 1:46 AM
sorry for party-rockin.
my kid dug through my coat pockets this week for the first time so now where do i put my stuff?
November 6, 2023 at 3:51 AM
my kid dug through my coat pockets this week for the first time so now where do i put my stuff?
im a little debbie monster.
November 5, 2023 at 3:09 AM
im a little debbie monster.
im so glad we don’t have to balance a check book. imagine having to do math homework and if you’re wrong you can’t pay your mortgage.
November 4, 2023 at 10:57 PM
im so glad we don’t have to balance a check book. imagine having to do math homework and if you’re wrong you can’t pay your mortgage.
kids birthday parties: where exhausted adults all smile through the fatigue over cardboard pizza and runny noses.
November 4, 2023 at 9:23 PM
kids birthday parties: where exhausted adults all smile through the fatigue over cardboard pizza and runny noses.
CPAPs in your 30s: hot or not?
November 4, 2023 at 1:02 PM
CPAPs in your 30s: hot or not?
If you’re talking to someone about a topic and they keep saying “wow that’s crazy”, it’s you. You’re crazy. Stop talking to that cashier about migrant trains or your telegram channel.
November 4, 2023 at 11:47 AM
If you’re talking to someone about a topic and they keep saying “wow that’s crazy”, it’s you. You’re crazy. Stop talking to that cashier about migrant trains or your telegram channel.
fruit snacks > snack cakes. there i said it.
October 25, 2023 at 12:31 AM
fruit snacks > snack cakes. there i said it.
no one likes windy days. wind is stupid.
October 21, 2023 at 10:09 PM
no one likes windy days. wind is stupid.
I get very uncomfortable watching food influencers review food from their drivers seat. That is the worst place to eat a meal.
October 13, 2023 at 11:56 PM
I get very uncomfortable watching food influencers review food from their drivers seat. That is the worst place to eat a meal.
I like when neighbors do stuff.
October 12, 2023 at 11:14 PM
I like when neighbors do stuff.
The “remind me” option on the mail app is a godsend. Wish they did that for texts.
October 12, 2023 at 11:03 PM
The “remind me” option on the mail app is a godsend. Wish they did that for texts.
pretzels are the gateway-snack to adulthood.
October 11, 2023 at 11:09 PM
pretzels are the gateway-snack to adulthood.
oh cool a major and divisive world event. just in time for holiday dinner season. can’t wait.
October 10, 2023 at 9:18 PM
oh cool a major and divisive world event. just in time for holiday dinner season. can’t wait.
You can air fry pumpkin seeds. 360° for 15 minutes. Shake every five.
October 9, 2023 at 12:52 AM
You can air fry pumpkin seeds. 360° for 15 minutes. Shake every five.