Come on, that’s only 125 days, 24 hours a day. You can get those numbers up!

This can’t be real because Real World Boston alum Sean Duffy told me he was an absolute animal who cannot be stopped as he works all day and night!

Forever wishing for appendicitis so I get a whole week off from all my duties.

Wanna know the real kicker? You don’t even have to be a rich dude to avoid the consequences of sexual assault. Being a white dude is usually enough.

What they don’t realize is that this is the one lie their base won’t fall for. We all know how much our groceries cost and MAGA isn’t any happier about their weekly total than Dems are. Biden telling us how strong the economy was - while true - denied this reality and Americans sure didn’t like it

Americans are also calling on you to remove Schumer but you don’t seem to care about that.

I know you hate it but it’s so beautiful!

Tim Kaine’s hair is desperately trying to flee his head so as not to be lumped in with this loser’s bad decision making.

What a hero.

Pretty sure the only one I’ve seen is TMBG playing Flood for its 20th(?) anniversary.

This is like Starbucks requiring baristas to write happy messages on the cups. When you force them to do it, it feels bad for everyone.

Tell her I said hi!

It seems a very odd choice to host this press call - where we’re talking about Americans going hungry - while seated at a dining room table set with fine china.

Aw, it’s just like the good old days of Trump selling Mar A Lago employees to Epstein. How sweet.

“He’s picking marble. He’s choosing fonts for new signs. He’s selecting the exact right gold leaf for every new doo dad. The man is unstoppable!”

A house in our neighborhood puts up Jack Skellington Halloween decor every year and come November 1st, they throw a Santa hat on him. It’s *perfect*