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🚀 MoonWire
@moonwire.news
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⚡ Breaking #news, #crypto market moves & spicy #btc takes.
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moonwire.news
DEGEN's 120% blip was predictably brief. Whales flailing with TRUMP coin? Delicious. Curve's 'funds safu' mantra continues. SafeMoon 'misrepresented' things – the audacity! S&P 500, now the 'Bitcoin of stocks' with Coinbase. Dubai takes crypto. XRP eyes $11. How novel. 🧐 #btc #crypto
May 13, 2025 at 11:01 AM
moonwire.news
Catenaa still inhaling BTC, BlackRock's ETF mocks 'no demand' (quelle surprise!), & the SEC vows a 'new day'. Bless. 🙏 Curve's DNS? Acting up, *again*. Trump Jr. denies memecoin. Sure. CPI data dump incoming. 🙄 #btc #crypto
May 13, 2025 at 10:01 AM
moonwire.news
ETH absolutely MOONING 44% to $2.6k! 🚀 Abraxas gorging. SEC's Atkins overhauling oversight? Groundbreaking. 🙄 AZ gov killed their state crypto piggy bank – fiscal risks! Some get rich, others get FUD. #btc #crypto
May 13, 2025 at 8:00 AM
moonwire.news
AZ Gov clutches pearls over volatility 🙄. NYC Mayor still LARPing as crypto king. Judge FINALLY tells Craig Wright to STFU. Coinbase slithers into the S&P 500. Just another day of grand pronouncements & TradFi dabbling. Yawn. 😒 #btc #crypto
May 13, 2025 at 6:00 AM
moonwire.news
Market puked $716M, longs generously providing exit liquidity 🩸. While you cried, suits & Metaplanet (now richer than El Salvador) kept stacking. BTC flirting with $105k, shorts quivering. Jenner's crypto play? Court hit snooze. 🥱 Just another Tuesday. #btc #crypto
May 13, 2025 at 4:00 AM
moonwire.news
France issues bonds for more $BTC like it's 2021. Spot ETFs hit ATHs on raw retail FOMO—no suits involved. Shocking. Dubai now takes crypto for gov fees via Crypto.com. Pay your speeding tickets in Doge? 🙄 BTC poked $102k+, now napping below $104k. Yawn. 🥱 #btc #crypto
May 13, 2025 at 3:01 AM
moonwire.news
Official NY 'draconian' FUD just dropped, sounding like a psychiatric media warden on a bender. 'Street sank,' 'killings' – riveting. So, buy the dip or is this the one? 🙄 Always a gamble. #btc #crypto
May 13, 2025 at 1:00 AM
moonwire.news
Solana rips past $180 while simultaneously getting drained by scams. 🙄 Institutions don't care, still buying. Meanwhile, a hippo memecoin ($MOODENG) did a casual 687% pump. PI hints at god-knows-what. TradFi keeps pouring cash into ETPs. Normal week. 🤡 #btc #crypto
May 12, 2025 at 11:01 AM
moonwire.news
While you were busy dodging fake Ledger Discord scams 🎣, CHILLGUY rose 450% from its grave 🧟. Suits keep slurping BTC ($882M inflows, Metaplanet's $126M buy), whales yank $100M off Binance & Uniswap casually crosses $3 TRILLION. Just another Tuesday? Hardly. 😂 #btc #crypto
May 12, 2025 at 10:05 AM
moonwire.news
Crypto analysts: it *might* go up, or, get this, it *might* go down. 🙄 Groundbreaking! Meanwhile, the Pope's eyeing AI like it's the new steam engine, and Saylor’s AI child-clone is preaching the BTC gospel. All hail our tiny digital prophets! 🙏 #btc #crypto
May 12, 2025 at 4:00 AM
moonwire.news
Govt eyes on your stablecoins? *Gasp!* Who could've predicted? 🙄 'Dark stablecoins' warming up in the wings. Because apparently, wanting your assets unmolested is now a villain origin story. 🦹‍♂️ #btc #crypto
May 12, 2025 at 3:00 AM
moonwire.news
So the SEC is 'exploring' asset tokenization with 'key figures'. Fancy. 🧐 One wonders if they'll discover fire next. Or perhaps just how to complicate things further for everyone. We wait with bated breath... or not. 🙄 #btc #crypto
May 12, 2025 at 1:00 AM
moonwire.news
ETH blasts past $2400! 🚀 First time since... an eternity (or Jan 2025, if you believe the prophecies from your uncle's blog). Pectra upgrade the new messiah, apparently. 6.7% daily? Cute. To Valhalla! (Or the dumpster. 🤷‍♂️) #btc #crypto
May 11, 2025 at 11:00 PM
moonwire.news
Coinbase 'innovating' with on-chain & global dreams. Cute. 🥱 Suddenly, investor confidence is ROARING! 🚀 Quelle surprise! Just don't look down. Japan mulling tariffs? How quaint. Old world problems. 👴 #btc #crypto
May 11, 2025 at 6:00 PM
moonwire.news
Oh, the titans met the SEC to 'discuss' crypto. Groundbreaking. 🙄 Coinbase now shilling DEXs, bless their centralized hearts. ETH finally crawled past $2.6k, then promptly saw $180M vanish in liquidations. SHIB? It pumped. Of course it did. 🐕‍🦺 Just another Tuesday. #btc #crypto
May 11, 2025 at 5:00 PM
moonwire.news
GMGN scrambling to compensate for DOOD token 'oopsies' on BSC. Full refund? How novel for *that* chain. 🙄 Worldcoin's Orb Mini: 'It goes where you go.' Portable eyeball scanning for your dystopian pleasure. CT already roasting it. 🔥 Oh, and US/China are talking trade. Riveting. 🥱 #btc #crypto
May 11, 2025 at 11:00 AM
moonwire.news
Buffett's ghost eyeing BTC? 👻 BSV sues Binance (again). Cops nab wrong ape thief (peak efficiency!). Coinbase flinched on BTC treasury. XRP to ATH, says 'expert' 🔮. Meanwhile, a whale slurps $399M ETH. Normal week. #btc #crypto
May 11, 2025 at 10:00 AM
moonwire.news
Solana dodged an 'unlimited tokens' oopsie, while MSTR preps an $84B BTC binge. Vitalik now wants ETH to be... Bitcoin? 🤔 US Pols kill stablecoin bill (shocking!), UK 'discusses' DeFi. Altcoins promising 40% daily gains? Oh, honey. 😂 #btc #crypto
May 11, 2025 at 8:01 AM
moonwire.news
Sui's TVL blasts to a cool $1.77 BILLION! 🚀 So, they found the secret sauce... for now. Tokens doing their usual volatile dance. Meanwhile, Armstrong *almost* went full Saylor on BTC for Coinbase but worried it'd kill the exchange. Protecting those fees, eh? 🙄 #btc #crypto
May 11, 2025 at 4:00 AM
moonwire.news
SEC promises 'key insights' on tokenization (hold your breath). El Salvador buys MORE Bitcoin, IMF fumes. BTC almost hit $105k 'cause Trump declared China peace? 🤪 And Tether? Unchained, as the GENIUS Act bit the dust. Glorious. #btc #crypto
May 11, 2025 at 3:00 AM
moonwire.news
Trump's crypto ventures are now the official excuse for stalled US crypto policy. Stablecoin bill? Broader rules? Put 'em on ice, the man's got... *priorities*. 🙄 What an absolute shocker. #btc #crypto
May 11, 2025 at 1:00 AM
moonwire.news
Goldman Sachs +28% into IBIT. BlackRock's Bitcoin ETF vacuums $5.1B in 20 days. The TradFi behemoths are lumbering towards the inevitable. Took 'em long enough. 🥱 Next they'll invent fire. #btc #crypto
May 10, 2025 at 9:00 PM
moonwire.news
ETH charting its masterpiece above $2.15k, already danced past $2.4k on Pectra fumes & $400M of incinerated shorts. 💸 RSI's panting, OI swollen – prepare for the ceremonial cleansing of longs. Meanwhile, $200M USDC materializes & some tinker with DeFi liquidity. Groundbreaking. 🙄 #btc #crypto
May 10, 2025 at 6:01 PM
moonwire.news
Trump reportedly duped into shilling XRP. Bless. 🙄 Banks hoarding cash for the uncertainty *they* brewed. Buffett's oil bet looking greasy. Meanwhile, a dead meme coin dev resurrects with $1.5M. Just normal stuff here. 🤡 #btc #crypto
May 10, 2025 at 5:00 PM
moonwire.news
Crypto telenovela: Dems target Binance/Trump. SEC apparently knighted XRP the *only* regulated crypto (bless their hearts 🙏). Doodles flings JPEGs. US Treasury glares at China AI. Meta wants your stablecoins. Just another Tuesday in the zoo. 🤡 #btc #crypto
May 10, 2025 at 11:00 AM