The apparently neurodivergent urge to keep every piece of clothing ever, even though you wear the same four outfits. 🫠

Last time I got her to help me, but then she had a major meltdown about the whole thing, and so we put clothes back. And it's just not sustainable to keep every $4 size 6 anko t-shirt.

💜 I'm MJ but also 👀

It is! A lot makes a lot more sense now 😅

I feel better prepared, although still a little worried. My psychologist asked me to check in with her via text after, to let her know how it went. So I'm well supported.

So therapy was about how it was triggering, and then ways I can navigate those triggers to be able to navigate the content during the training. It's CPTSD, and I've spent the last 4 years learning how to manage, but this is wilful (necessary) exposure to traumatic things.

This Thursday I have the Masterclass (a 4 hour training module) for RAHN (Responding to Abuse and Neglect) certification that I need. Reading the workbook was super triggering.

And I don't usually cross post, because who has the energy, but I want the pocketfam to see this. I want people I don't know to see this.

I want you to know acceptance of self is wonderful, but that doesn't mean the way the world treats you is acceptable.

You are not the problem.

If you're neurodiverse and reading this - you have value, and you are loved for who you are, and I am sorry the world does not give you the equality you deserve.

I hope our fight sees the world be more inclusive - but in the interim, I hope you can find contentment in yourself.

And, I'm angry at the systems that create a world where so many kids grow up and internalise ableism.

Internalise these messages that they exist only as a binary of deficits and superpowers.

So, I'll continue to fight, from Education Departments to Parliament.

And then I had a diagnosis.

Autistic.

ADHD.

AuDHD.

How could I possibly continue to hate myself for my neurodivergence when I loved my children for theirs?

So, I'm still processing, still learning, but so very thankful that we are who we are.

It was huge, because I have spent my son's entire life loving and appreciating him for who he is.

Supporting him, scaffolding him, validating him.

Explaining there's nothing wrong with him - he is my beautiful boy, and who he is - is enough.

Before AND after diagnosis.

And I still do. I still hear, and often repeat to myself those messages.

And for years, despite support and therapy, I couldn't quiet them, ever.

When I was diagnosed recently - the way it sharply shifted my perspective sent me reeling.

The cognitive dissonance was (is) huge.

Because I believed the world when it said I was too sensitive, too loud, too fussy, too much, too smart, too fussy, too demanding.

I believed them when they told me I was wasting my potential because I was lazy, because I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't enough.

I internalised.

We do the best we can as parents, with the tools that we have.

We can always learn new skills, and do our best to implement them.

Being a neuroaffirming parent came easier to me than it does to some, because I'm neurodivergent.

But it still took (takes) conscious effort.

Now, all of this is possible due to privilege AND marginalisation.

Privilege because we are white, middle class, and we have spent a fortune on me going to therapy.

Marginalisation, because being an undiagnosed neurodivergent kid contributed to my childhood trauma.

Being a neurodivergent kid is not inherently traumatising.

Are things harder due to ableism?

Absolutely.

If you are supported, accepted, validated, and loved by your parents, and if they accept you AND point out ableism, you are less likely to internalise it.