Local weirdo beats the fucking shit out of mean-spirited leprechaun before it pulls any of its funny tricks… hmmm sounds like a headline I’d like to read

In 2025 I’m going to fight the leprechaun

I think the only reason they didn’t just beat the shit out of the leprechaun in leprechaun 1 was because it would have made the movie boring

The only thing I’ve ever needed in this life is a girlfriend who won’t be mad at me for spending $24.95 of the remaining $25 in my bank account on a funky kong t shirt that I cut the sleeves off of. Apparently it’s a lot to ask…

Forgot I had this, also this account can’t be protected[kind of a red flag]. I better say something weird to get the most for my money, get ready: I’d eat a pine cone they kind of look tasty if cooked well

Thinking of beating my lifelong depression today. $0.0000355 crypto at a time…

When a person responds to the hinge prompt, dating me is like: and then they are doing something obnoxious, that is actually really helpful.

Linke din is the most depraved website on the internet. It’s like when you’re dating someone with a better career than you and you have to go out with them and their coworkers, and you just kind of quietly sit there wondering if your relationship is a C IA op

Going to match with her just to hear this story

The bear in Duolingo always seems surprised that I got it right and frankly it pisses me off. No me gusta el oso.

Going on a date with a doctor, desperately hoping she’s a “I can fix him” type of person

In the lab writing copy

If you could have one wish, what would it be?

forgive me father for I have sinned...

Attempting to cheat Death's gambit for another day with my favorite beer.

Drinking a crisp Miller Lite under the northern sky...