Of course, this feels safer and easier to do with some people than others.

A good therapist, friends or partner for example should enable the us to experiment with non-habitual behaviors.

It would be in keeping with the times to alter it: “Si vis vitam, para mortem.” If you want to endure life, prepare yourself for death."

"To tolerate life remains, after all, the first duty of all living beings. Illusion becomes valueless if it makes this harder for us.

We recall the old saying: “Si vis pacem, para bellum.” If you want to preserve peace, arm for war.

I also love David Richo's assertion that grief is cycling through anger, sadness, and fear.

Finally, being witnessed and validated in a psychologically safe social setting is key.

True for adults (grief groups, therapy, community)

& for children (being asked questions, being held, comforted, allowed, given helpful language for conceptualizing and expressing the experience and its impact)

I also really love the idea that grief is also about integrating what was meaningful, important and inspiring about the life and experiences prior to the grief, into newly defined freedom and integrity.

What does the loss enable us to re-negotiate within ourselves, and/or re-navigate for ourselves?

also learned about the two-track model of grief. 🛤️

the idea is that we oscillate between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented thoughts and emotions during grief.

Notion of parallel tracks that continue for the person who experiences the loss, instead of a series of phases/tasks to complete.

we also often experience multiple losses with the loss of one thing - whether it's a person, hope, safety, health, identity, love, connection, meaning, etc

similar to secondary gains with psychological challenges, there are secondary losses with separation - friend, lover, witness, external memory