Jesus
@memejesus.bsky.social
This is a meme/parody account. Follow for more godly content ✨️
Comics, comedy, memes by thy Lord
Comics, comedy, memes by thy Lord
Not fact checking is wild! Just saying. I didn’t make you all allergic to facts yeesh!!
January 11, 2025 at 11:45 PM
Not fact checking is wild! Just saying. I didn’t make you all allergic to facts yeesh!!
Every time you eat gas station sushi, you’re just testing my patience ..
December 2, 2024 at 4:11 PM
Every time you eat gas station sushi, you’re just testing my patience ..
I created the universe in 6 days. You can at least fold your laundry this week ...
December 2, 2024 at 4:11 PM
I created the universe in 6 days. You can at least fold your laundry this week ...
Listen, I cant help you with this one ... How? Why? Where did I go wrong?
November 30, 2024 at 6:15 AM
Listen, I cant help you with this one ... How? Why? Where did I go wrong?
If you think I’d bless a party that fights against feeding the poor? Read my book again
November 26, 2024 at 3:11 PM
If you think I’d bless a party that fights against feeding the poor? Read my book again
Thou shalt not invoke My name to justify bad policies. That’s in the fine print
November 26, 2024 at 3:10 PM
Thou shalt not invoke My name to justify bad policies. That’s in the fine print
Cats are proof I have a sense of humor. I made them tiny predators that sleep 18 hours a day
November 26, 2024 at 3:08 PM
Cats are proof I have a sense of humor. I made them tiny predators that sleep 18 hours a day
Salvation is free, but this latte cost $8.99
November 25, 2024 at 4:30 PM
Salvation is free, but this latte cost $8.99
Good morning, my children. I see some of you hit snooze 7 times… I didn’t resurrect for this
November 25, 2024 at 3:10 PM
Good morning, my children. I see some of you hit snooze 7 times… I didn’t resurrect for this
I parted the Red Sea, but even I can’t part some Red States from their love of questionable policies
November 25, 2024 at 3:08 PM
I parted the Red Sea, but even I can’t part some Red States from their love of questionable policies
People keep asking me to take the wheel, but honestly, I’ve seen your driving… I’ll pass
November 25, 2024 at 1:04 PM
People keep asking me to take the wheel, but honestly, I’ve seen your driving… I’ll pass
Love thy neighbor’ didn’t come with exceptions. Yes, even the one who mows at 7 AM
November 25, 2024 at 1:04 PM
Love thy neighbor’ didn’t come with exceptions. Yes, even the one who mows at 7 AM
I created the platypus at 2 AM. No regrets.
November 24, 2024 at 2:17 AM
I created the platypus at 2 AM. No regrets.
You’re worried about Judgment Day, but I’m just worried about your browser history
November 24, 2024 at 2:14 AM
You’re worried about Judgment Day, but I’m just worried about your browser history
I healed the sick and fed the hungry without asking for a copay. Do I sound conservative to you?
November 24, 2024 at 2:13 AM
I healed the sick and fed the hungry without asking for a copay. Do I sound conservative to you?
I am writing new commandments. First draft:
1. Thou shalt not screenshot our DMs and post them. Respect the divine privacy
2. Thou shalt not leave unread receipts on My messages. I am omniscient, and I know you saw it.
3. Thou shalt not use My name to win arguments. I’m neutral in group chats.
1. Thou shalt not screenshot our DMs and post them. Respect the divine privacy
2. Thou shalt not leave unread receipts on My messages. I am omniscient, and I know you saw it.
3. Thou shalt not use My name to win arguments. I’m neutral in group chats.
November 19, 2024 at 10:34 PM
I am writing new commandments. First draft:
1. Thou shalt not screenshot our DMs and post them. Respect the divine privacy
2. Thou shalt not leave unread receipts on My messages. I am omniscient, and I know you saw it.
3. Thou shalt not use My name to win arguments. I’m neutral in group chats.
1. Thou shalt not screenshot our DMs and post them. Respect the divine privacy
2. Thou shalt not leave unread receipts on My messages. I am omniscient, and I know you saw it.
3. Thou shalt not use My name to win arguments. I’m neutral in group chats.
Some of y’all pray for a miracle, then ignore the sale section at Target. That’s on you
November 19, 2024 at 10:30 PM
Some of y’all pray for a miracle, then ignore the sale section at Target. That’s on you
Some of you are out here sinning like there’s a group discount on forgiveness ...
November 19, 2024 at 3:29 PM
Some of you are out here sinning like there’s a group discount on forgiveness ...
People keep asking why I let bad things happen. Listen, I gave y’all free will, not free tech support ... yeesh
November 19, 2024 at 3:28 PM
People keep asking why I let bad things happen. Listen, I gave y’all free will, not free tech support ... yeesh
When I rested on the 7th day, I didn’t mean for humanity to invent Monday right after 🥲
November 19, 2024 at 4:19 AM
When I rested on the 7th day, I didn’t mean for humanity to invent Monday right after 🥲
People keep saying 'God is watching.' Relax, I’m just here for the memes
November 19, 2024 at 4:18 AM
People keep saying 'God is watching.' Relax, I’m just here for the memes
Just a reminder: I flooded the Earth once because I was mad. Keep testing me, and your Wi-Fi will be next
November 19, 2024 at 12:42 AM
Just a reminder: I flooded the Earth once because I was mad. Keep testing me, and your Wi-Fi will be next
When I made humans, I thought: 'Let’s give them free will.' Big mistake… I should have gone with the subscription model.
November 19, 2024 at 12:38 AM
When I made humans, I thought: 'Let’s give them free will.' Big mistake… I should have gone with the subscription model.