Perhaps it's about the perceived youngness/vulnerability or maybe its because you can see it better.

Dwelling on the idea of self destructing, going back to the path that used to feel like the only grim option open to me, it can be a little comforting, a little erotic.

It's just felt extremely good and right to be thinking. Trying to decide if I should do something special for myself when I jerk off. Scalpels maybe?

Maybe that's part of why I'm more focused on hurting people. Now if I could just get someone dumb and traumatized enough....

Yeah absolutely! FA is still active, I post stuff there and get commissions pretty regularly