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RFK Jr. Suspends All CDC Autism Studies, Says ‘I’ll Just Use My Gut and This One Documentary From 2006’

#autism #cdc #rfkjr #austimawareness #autistic

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RFK Jr. Suspends All CDC Autism Studies, Says ‘I’ll Just Use My Gut and This One Documentary From 2006’

WASHINGTON DC— In a move that stunned scientists, educators, and several confused Labradoodles trained in scent detection therapy, newly appointed Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F.

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April 30, 2025 at 4:36 AM

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John Cena Grants 100th Make-A-Wish of the Year, Leaves Each Kid With a Puzzle That Has One Piece Missing.

#wwe #johncena #satire #wrestlemania41

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John Cena Grants 100th Make-A-Wish of the Year, Leaves Each Kid With a Puzzle That Has One Piece Missing

LAS VEGAS, NV — In what should have been a heartwarming milestone, John Cena’s 100th Make-A-Wish fulfillment this year took an unexpected turn when each child received a custom puzzle missing exactly…

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April 19, 2025 at 4:59 AM

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WrestleMania Pyro Budget Exceeds GDP of Small Nation; Audience to be Given Sunglasses and Life Insurance Waivers

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#wrestlemania #wwe #wwf #satire

WrestleMania Pyro Budget Exceeds GDP of Small Nation; Audience to be Given Sunglasses and Life Insurance Waivers

LAS VEGAS, NV — In a stunning display of fiscal recklessness and patriotic explosions, WrestleMania 41 has officially surpassed the gross domestic product of at least one Eastern European country in…

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April 15, 2025 at 2:56 AM

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New Study Finds Most Americans Unaware They’ve Been Holding Breath Since March 2020

ATLANTA, GA — A groundbreaking study released today by the National Institute for Lingering Trauma has found that nearly 92% of Americans have, without realizing it, been holding their collective…

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April 5, 2025 at 6:34 AM

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Nation’s Churches Ask Congregants to Tithe in Eggs Instead of Cash.

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#catholicchurch #satire #eggs #eggprices

Nation’s Churches Ask Congregants to Tithe in Eggs Instead of Cash

SPRINGFIELD, MO — In a holy pivot inspired by inflation and a national egg crisis that now requires divine intervention, churches across the United States have begun encouraging parishioners to tithe…

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April 5, 2025 at 8:52 AM

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Federation Security Report Finds Holodecks Account for 72% of Workplace Incidents, 100% of Weird Vibes

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#startrek #holodeck #staktrektng

Federation Security Report Finds Holodecks Account for 72% of Workplace Incidents, 100% of Weird Vibes

STARDATE 90815.4 — SAN FRANCISCO, EARTH — A newly declassified report from Starfleet Security has confirmed what most crew members already suspected but were too traumatized or polite to say out loud…

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March 27, 2025 at 2:27 AM

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New Study Shows 85% of Americans Too Burned Out to Read the Study.

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#study #newstudy #satire #america #breakingnews

New Study Shows 85% of Americans Too Burned Out to Read the Study

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A groundbreaking new study from the National Institute for Overwhelming Everything (NIOE) has found that approximately 85% of Americans are too mentally, emotionally…

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March 26, 2025 at 5:59 AM

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Elon Musk Offers to Mediate Middle East Conflict Using Poll Feature on X

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#elonmusk #satire #politics #twitter #middleeast

Elon Musk Offers to Mediate Middle East Conflict Using Poll Feature on X

MENLO PARK, CA — In a bold move that experts have described as “spectacularly unserious,” billionaire entrepreneur and part-time meme curator Elon Musk announced Monday that he intends to resolve the…

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March 23, 2025 at 3:21 AM

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Report: World’s Last Person Without a Smartphone Thinks Everyone Else Is Just ‘Really Good at Directions’

#humor #satire #flipphone

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Report: World’s Last Person Without a Smartphone Thinks Everyone Else Is Just ‘Really Good at Directions’

In a quiet corner of rural Vermont, 67-year-old Roger Whitman remains blissfully unaware that he is the last person on Earth without a smartphone. Whitman, who still uses a flip phone he bought in 200...

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January 15, 2025 at 9:13 PM

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Congress Agrees on Bipartisan Bill to Ban Agreeing on Anything Else

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Congress Agrees on Bipartisan Bill to Ban Agreeing on Anything Else

In a rare display of unity, Congress has come together to pass a groundbreaking bipartisan bill—ironically, to ensure they never agree on anything ever again. The “No More Agreement Act of 2024” saile...

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December 20, 2024 at 4:26 AM

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“Big Trouble in Little China” (1986) - Film Review

"At its core, Big Trouble in Little China is a cheeky commentary on the archetypal Hollywood action hero." Enter Jack Burton.

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#bigtroubleinlittlechina #johncarpenter #kurtrussell #filmreview