Maxwell Faulk
@maxwellfaulk.bsky.social
I love books, making people laugh, and Super Nintendo. I refuse to believe that a better world is not possible.
Kinda wish everything wasn't Virtual Crystal Meth Slot Machine™️ brought to you by FanDuel and AIPAC or whatever.
December 7, 2025 at 4:13 AM
Kinda wish everything wasn't Virtual Crystal Meth Slot Machine™️ brought to you by FanDuel and AIPAC or whatever.
No, it's because you shrank your audience down to only the most aggressively-liberal, Zionist, white, pothead Boomers without any real sense what's funny. You and Dennis Miller can run free at a farm upstate where comedians go when their material doesn't work past 1998.
November 18, 2025 at 1:46 AM
No, it's because you shrank your audience down to only the most aggressively-liberal, Zionist, white, pothead Boomers without any real sense what's funny. You and Dennis Miller can run free at a farm upstate where comedians go when their material doesn't work past 1998.
So I went to The Bins today. It's a Portland thing to do. If you've never been, it's like shopping at a regular Goodwill but without all the prestige.
October 21, 2025 at 2:33 AM
So I went to The Bins today. It's a Portland thing to do. If you've never been, it's like shopping at a regular Goodwill but without all the prestige.
*contacting someone on Facebook Marketplace*
"Hey, do you guys have any of that dirty garbage left?"
"Hey, do you guys have any of that dirty garbage left?"
October 18, 2025 at 9:55 PM
*contacting someone on Facebook Marketplace*
"Hey, do you guys have any of that dirty garbage left?"
"Hey, do you guys have any of that dirty garbage left?"
Ya know, for all the guff avocados get about going bad, at least when they do it doesn't smell like somebody took a shit in your fridge. Looking at you, BROCCOLI. 😒
October 4, 2025 at 12:35 AM
Ya know, for all the guff avocados get about going bad, at least when they do it doesn't smell like somebody took a shit in your fridge. Looking at you, BROCCOLI. 😒
Boeing is a perfect metaphor for the United States. Trading on their former glory, Boeing's been gutted and sabotaged from within by capitalists over several decades. What's left is the husk of a corrupt, global embarrassment that kills people for money.
October 3, 2025 at 5:36 AM
Boeing is a perfect metaphor for the United States. Trading on their former glory, Boeing's been gutted and sabotaged from within by capitalists over several decades. What's left is the husk of a corrupt, global embarrassment that kills people for money.
Ohio is the Missouri of Ohios.
September 26, 2025 at 10:35 PM
Ohio is the Missouri of Ohios.
It's never tragic when chickens come home to roost. My only regret is that Charlie had but one neck.
September 23, 2025 at 3:14 AM
It's never tragic when chickens come home to roost. My only regret is that Charlie had but one neck.
Capitalism: Do literal damage to your grandchildren's DNA with this ultra-processed bastardization we've been marketing as food for 113 years.
Me: Hey, Oreo has a new flavor.
Me: Hey, Oreo has a new flavor.
August 28, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Capitalism: Do literal damage to your grandchildren's DNA with this ultra-processed bastardization we've been marketing as food for 113 years.
Me: Hey, Oreo has a new flavor.
Me: Hey, Oreo has a new flavor.
Taylor Swift has become the Hobby Lobby of musicians and no I will not elaborate.
August 27, 2025 at 12:31 AM
Taylor Swift has become the Hobby Lobby of musicians and no I will not elaborate.
Imagine being a college president drafted into The Culture War™️ and intentionally making your institution more appealing to stupid bigots. What a silly existence this is shaping up to be.
August 18, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Imagine being a college president drafted into The Culture War™️ and intentionally making your institution more appealing to stupid bigots. What a silly existence this is shaping up to be.
Do free samples make you uncomfortable because poverty has traumatized you and you feel your station in life too acutely to enjoy them or are you normal?
July 30, 2025 at 4:45 AM
Do free samples make you uncomfortable because poverty has traumatized you and you feel your station in life too acutely to enjoy them or are you normal?
It's wild that Boomers fumbled stewardship of the nation so hard that it's now "patriotic" to be a Nazi pedophile.
July 27, 2025 at 1:02 AM
It's wild that Boomers fumbled stewardship of the nation so hard that it's now "patriotic" to be a Nazi pedophile.
Sometimes my mind resembles the toy section of Goodwill. Other times it resembles any section of Dollar Tree.
July 26, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Sometimes my mind resembles the toy section of Goodwill. Other times it resembles any section of Dollar Tree.
Jeffries has become one of the most hated members of the Democratic party *so* fucking quickly. Bro got the spotlight and crosshairs on the same trip to IKEA.
July 8, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Jeffries has become one of the most hated members of the Democratic party *so* fucking quickly. Bro got the spotlight and crosshairs on the same trip to IKEA.
And I'm so over the liberal conceit that the US is being dragged into another war or Netanyahu walked the dog into war. Bitch, who do you think the majority shareholders of the US are? Ain't no dragging when it's an integral part of our business model.
June 22, 2025 at 11:03 PM
And I'm so over the liberal conceit that the US is being dragged into another war or Netanyahu walked the dog into war. Bitch, who do you think the majority shareholders of the US are? Ain't no dragging when it's an integral part of our business model.
The campaign against Mamdani in NYC has been *so* overtly islamophobic, but I guess I shouldn't expect anything less from a well-funded, establishment Dem, nepo baby sex pest. 🤷♂️
June 22, 2025 at 10:55 PM
The campaign against Mamdani in NYC has been *so* overtly islamophobic, but I guess I shouldn't expect anything less from a well-funded, establishment Dem, nepo baby sex pest. 🤷♂️
Do I really want to play old videogames? Or do I want to hold them and weep for the death of the boy who once loved them so much?
June 22, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Do I really want to play old videogames? Or do I want to hold them and weep for the death of the boy who once loved them so much?