I’ve been neglecting you my babies
April 2, 2025 at 2:53 AM
I’ve been neglecting you my babies
I just discovered a song called “cumgirl8”. And when I typed it just now my phone tried to autocorrect it to “cuties”.
February 17, 2025 at 8:36 PM
I just discovered a song called “cumgirl8”. And when I typed it just now my phone tried to autocorrect it to “cuties”.
I’m more caffeine now than man.
February 5, 2025 at 4:55 PM
I’m more caffeine now than man.
Somebody once told me
The world is gonna vampire
I ain’t the sharpest tool set to drain
The world is gonna vampire
I ain’t the sharpest tool set to drain
February 5, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Somebody once told me
The world is gonna vampire
I ain’t the sharpest tool set to drain
The world is gonna vampire
I ain’t the sharpest tool set to drain
🎶 I wear my headphones all the time
So I can, so I can
Pretend I can’t hear you when you speak 🎵
So I can, so I can
Pretend I can’t hear you when you speak 🎵
January 31, 2025 at 4:32 PM
🎶 I wear my headphones all the time
So I can, so I can
Pretend I can’t hear you when you speak 🎵
So I can, so I can
Pretend I can’t hear you when you speak 🎵
Complete bullshit that I haven’t won the lottery yet.
January 8, 2025 at 11:13 PM
Complete bullshit that I haven’t won the lottery yet.
How has no one at PEZ decided to load the damn dispensers before selling them? I don't want to do work to eat my candy.
And you know what? I don't. I eat that shit straight out of the wrapper
And you know what? I don't. I eat that shit straight out of the wrapper
January 8, 2025 at 5:02 PM
How has no one at PEZ decided to load the damn dispensers before selling them? I don't want to do work to eat my candy.
And you know what? I don't. I eat that shit straight out of the wrapper
And you know what? I don't. I eat that shit straight out of the wrapper
Mark Zuckerberg pregnant this, Mark Zuckerberg pregnant that.
Why not me? My clock is ticking.
Why not me? My clock is ticking.
January 8, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Mark Zuckerberg pregnant this, Mark Zuckerberg pregnant that.
Why not me? My clock is ticking.
Why not me? My clock is ticking.
14 years ago I took this beautiful picture. The last stock of original full caffeine Four Loko that my local liquor store would ever carry. It almost brings a tear to my eye.
January 8, 2025 at 2:45 AM
14 years ago I took this beautiful picture. The last stock of original full caffeine Four Loko that my local liquor store would ever carry. It almost brings a tear to my eye.
I wish I could explain to my pets what garbage is. To them there’s only food and toys, and toys are just food that takes a little longer to eat.
January 4, 2025 at 7:26 PM
I wish I could explain to my pets what garbage is. To them there’s only food and toys, and toys are just food that takes a little longer to eat.
New year, nude me
January 4, 2025 at 7:17 PM
New year, nude me
Just because I understood the assignment doesn’t mean I’m actually any good at it.
January 4, 2025 at 7:15 PM
Just because I understood the assignment doesn’t mean I’m actually any good at it.
It doesn’t matter how often I read “gc” my brain is never going to see the words “group chat”. All I can see is “game cube”
December 27, 2024 at 11:55 PM
It doesn’t matter how often I read “gc” my brain is never going to see the words “group chat”. All I can see is “game cube”
Don’t forget to leave out a glass of protein shake and a present under your tree for Travis Claus who comes every December 29th to celebrate the birth of the most important man in your life: me.
PayPal: @MaximumTravis
Venmo: @MaximumTravis
Cashapp: $MaximumTravis
PayPal: @MaximumTravis
Venmo: @MaximumTravis
Cashapp: $MaximumTravis
December 26, 2024 at 3:26 AM
Don’t forget to leave out a glass of protein shake and a present under your tree for Travis Claus who comes every December 29th to celebrate the birth of the most important man in your life: me.
PayPal: @MaximumTravis
Venmo: @MaximumTravis
Cashapp: $MaximumTravis
PayPal: @MaximumTravis
Venmo: @MaximumTravis
Cashapp: $MaximumTravis
All I want for Christmas is you(r butthole)
December 26, 2024 at 3:22 AM
All I want for Christmas is you(r butthole)
When you work on Christmas you wear a sweater. This is the most Christmasy one I have.
December 26, 2024 at 3:22 AM
When you work on Christmas you wear a sweater. This is the most Christmasy one I have.
12 years ago for Christmas my parents got me Sweet Corn and Buffalo Wing flavored soda.
They were both disgusting
They were both disgusting
December 26, 2024 at 3:21 AM
12 years ago for Christmas my parents got me Sweet Corn and Buffalo Wing flavored soda.
They were both disgusting
They were both disgusting
No one said you have to get YOUR true love almost 200 birds and also several human people for Christmas, that’s just what the person’s true love in the song got THEM.
December 26, 2024 at 3:21 AM
No one said you have to get YOUR true love almost 200 birds and also several human people for Christmas, that’s just what the person’s true love in the song got THEM.
I’ll never forget the time I was complaining to my dad about something going wrong in my life and he says:
“That’s life son, sometimes it sucks.
Actually let me rephrase that
That’s life son, SOMETIMES it’s okay”
It really stuck with me and kind of explains a lot of my outlook on life.
“That’s life son, sometimes it sucks.
Actually let me rephrase that
That’s life son, SOMETIMES it’s okay”
It really stuck with me and kind of explains a lot of my outlook on life.
December 22, 2024 at 12:52 AM
I’ll never forget the time I was complaining to my dad about something going wrong in my life and he says:
“That’s life son, sometimes it sucks.
Actually let me rephrase that
That’s life son, SOMETIMES it’s okay”
It really stuck with me and kind of explains a lot of my outlook on life.
“That’s life son, sometimes it sucks.
Actually let me rephrase that
That’s life son, SOMETIMES it’s okay”
It really stuck with me and kind of explains a lot of my outlook on life.
Stranger I met at work: hey, what do you wear like a size 12 or 13?
Me: …yeah, either or depending on the brand.
Stranger: and it looks like you have pretty wide feet too. Are you flat footed?
Me (in my head): this MF is about to ask for feet pics isn’t he?
Me: …yeah, either or depending on the brand.
Stranger: and it looks like you have pretty wide feet too. Are you flat footed?
Me (in my head): this MF is about to ask for feet pics isn’t he?
December 19, 2024 at 3:25 AM
Stranger I met at work: hey, what do you wear like a size 12 or 13?
Me: …yeah, either or depending on the brand.
Stranger: and it looks like you have pretty wide feet too. Are you flat footed?
Me (in my head): this MF is about to ask for feet pics isn’t he?
Me: …yeah, either or depending on the brand.
Stranger: and it looks like you have pretty wide feet too. Are you flat footed?
Me (in my head): this MF is about to ask for feet pics isn’t he?
Is there any reason pizza has crust other than tradition? Surely we have the technology to make the toppings go all the way to the edge by now. And I don’t want to hear about some one off pizza that some pizza company did. Why is it not the standard to have toppings go to the edge?
December 15, 2024 at 8:55 PM
Is there any reason pizza has crust other than tradition? Surely we have the technology to make the toppings go all the way to the edge by now. And I don’t want to hear about some one off pizza that some pizza company did. Why is it not the standard to have toppings go to the edge?
My mom: Hey son, are you busy? I need your help with something important.
30 seconds later
Me: what’s up?
…4 days later
Mom: what was the name of the actor from Quantum Leap?
30 seconds later
Me: what’s up?
…4 days later
Mom: what was the name of the actor from Quantum Leap?
December 8, 2024 at 9:12 PM
My mom: Hey son, are you busy? I need your help with something important.
30 seconds later
Me: what’s up?
…4 days later
Mom: what was the name of the actor from Quantum Leap?
30 seconds later
Me: what’s up?
…4 days later
Mom: what was the name of the actor from Quantum Leap?
I don’t know what this means but I had a dream last night that I had the option of going anywhere for dinner, but I chose Arby’s.
December 5, 2024 at 5:43 PM
I don’t know what this means but I had a dream last night that I had the option of going anywhere for dinner, but I chose Arby’s.
Hypothetically, what do you think would happen if I put a few scoops of pre workout in with the coffee in the coffee maker?
December 4, 2024 at 10:49 PM
Hypothetically, what do you think would happen if I put a few scoops of pre workout in with the coffee in the coffee maker?
How do the Mario Kart racers get to rainbow road in the first place? Does Lakitu take them all there? That seems like a long way.
December 4, 2024 at 2:01 AM
How do the Mario Kart racers get to rainbow road in the first place? Does Lakitu take them all there? That seems like a long way.