Mattwithaface
@mattwithaface.bsky.social
Taco imbiber, hyper-aware escalator traveler, pro-am face punchee.
Everyone knows the only way to get a club soda stain out is by pouring molasses on it.
March 13, 2025 at 12:17 AM
Everyone knows the only way to get a club soda stain out is by pouring molasses on it.
Ouch I stubbed my toe on a woke!
March 4, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Ouch I stubbed my toe on a woke!
Someone ask Donald Musk if we should have libraries.
February 27, 2025 at 7:11 PM
Someone ask Donald Musk if we should have libraries.
In their primes, Sinbad the comedian would destroy Sinbad the pirate.
February 26, 2025 at 8:58 PM
In their primes, Sinbad the comedian would destroy Sinbad the pirate.
Shut up.
Heart if you agree, and don’t forget to decapitate that subscribe button.
Heart if you agree, and don’t forget to decapitate that subscribe button.
February 25, 2025 at 3:39 AM
Shut up.
Heart if you agree, and don’t forget to decapitate that subscribe button.
Heart if you agree, and don’t forget to decapitate that subscribe button.
Hey @cbbworld.bsky.social ! I feel like I got Scott’s Netflix envelope from a couple years ago. Did you lose something?
February 22, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Hey @cbbworld.bsky.social ! I feel like I got Scott’s Netflix envelope from a couple years ago. Did you lose something?
We've already voted and I'm already the next President.
February 21, 2025 at 4:19 PM
We've already voted and I'm already the next President.
"King Trump?" Why are we dignifying this 75 year old dementia patient with any say in anything? He should be referred to and treated as such.
It isn't enough for this dementia patient to play golf everyday, either. He has to collapse an entire country simultaneously.
It isn't enough for this dementia patient to play golf everyday, either. He has to collapse an entire country simultaneously.
February 21, 2025 at 3:01 PM
"King Trump?" Why are we dignifying this 75 year old dementia patient with any say in anything? He should be referred to and treated as such.
It isn't enough for this dementia patient to play golf everyday, either. He has to collapse an entire country simultaneously.
It isn't enough for this dementia patient to play golf everyday, either. He has to collapse an entire country simultaneously.
I know there’s much more important things going on in the world, but really, LEMON PEPPER wings? Why are they even an option? I’ll die on this hill.
February 18, 2025 at 3:14 PM
I know there’s much more important things going on in the world, but really, LEMON PEPPER wings? Why are they even an option? I’ll die on this hill.
Everything on the internet is fake.
Except that.
And that.
And that and that and that.
Except that.
And that.
And that and that and that.
February 17, 2025 at 9:14 PM
Everything on the internet is fake.
Except that.
And that.
And that and that and that.
Except that.
And that.
And that and that and that.
OK JESUS, DOESN'T ANYONE REMEMBER WHEN OBAMA WANTED TO BAR FOX "NEWS" FROM THE PRESS BRIEFING ROOM AND ALL THE OTHER NEWS ORGS WENT TO BAT FOR THEM? That has been a defeat that shaped our media landscape more than many better-remembered events.
February 15, 2025 at 3:40 PM
OK JESUS, DOESN'T ANYONE REMEMBER WHEN OBAMA WANTED TO BAR FOX "NEWS" FROM THE PRESS BRIEFING ROOM AND ALL THE OTHER NEWS ORGS WENT TO BAT FOR THEM? That has been a defeat that shaped our media landscape more than many better-remembered events.
Live at the Legendary Shut The Fuck Up Club - YOU!
February 14, 2025 at 4:58 PM
Live at the Legendary Shut The Fuck Up Club - YOU!
They're just so purposefully evil...
February 14, 2025 at 4:01 PM
They're just so purposefully evil...
50%billionaire tax.
February 13, 2025 at 5:56 PM
50%billionaire tax.
Why was that asshole in a tshirt and his kid was in a suit in the Oval?
February 13, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Why was that asshole in a tshirt and his kid was in a suit in the Oval?
And with the creation of "Mailin' It," the official United States Postal Service Podcast, we can just stop all talking completely. All sentences have been said, every combination of words combined.
Dear English,
Smell ya later.
Dear English,
Smell ya later.
February 13, 2025 at 12:29 PM
And with the creation of "Mailin' It," the official United States Postal Service Podcast, we can just stop all talking completely. All sentences have been said, every combination of words combined.
Dear English,
Smell ya later.
Dear English,
Smell ya later.
Take 'er easy, Tom Robbins. I never successfully finished Jitterbug Perfume, but I've looked at his book covers a lot when I was searching alphabetically for Phillip Roth books.
February 11, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Take 'er easy, Tom Robbins. I never successfully finished Jitterbug Perfume, but I've looked at his book covers a lot when I was searching alphabetically for Phillip Roth books.
Well, I average that 0 people watched the Super Bowl, so if you combine my figures with that of FOX, you get an arbitrary number, which is exactly what listening to FOX will ever get you.
February 11, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Well, I average that 0 people watched the Super Bowl, so if you combine my figures with that of FOX, you get an arbitrary number, which is exactly what listening to FOX will ever get you.
No more work from home for federal employees? Great. Let’s lock Trump to the Resolute Desk, or staple his tie to it or something.
February 11, 2025 at 11:16 AM
No more work from home for federal employees? Great. Let’s lock Trump to the Resolute Desk, or staple his tie to it or something.
Not ONE place does it say the president can’t fill the white house with Elmer’s glue. That’s why I’m appointing Kid Rock as the Glue Czar.
February 8, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Not ONE place does it say the president can’t fill the white house with Elmer’s glue. That’s why I’m appointing Kid Rock as the Glue Czar.
Yes but it doesn’t SPECIFICALLY specifically say ANYWHERE that the president can’t shit on the White House lawn every day while he’s eating his leftover cold meatloaf for breakfast.
And the ghost of Reagan gets to lead the Department of the Interior.
And the ghost of Reagan gets to lead the Department of the Interior.
February 8, 2025 at 12:08 PM
Yes but it doesn’t SPECIFICALLY specifically say ANYWHERE that the president can’t shit on the White House lawn every day while he’s eating his leftover cold meatloaf for breakfast.
And the ghost of Reagan gets to lead the Department of the Interior.
And the ghost of Reagan gets to lead the Department of the Interior.
Yes but it doesn’t SPECIFICALLY SAY that a hippo can’t serve as Transportation Secretary, so I’ve obviously named Moo Deng to take us where we need to go. Pun intended.
February 8, 2025 at 12:05 PM
Yes but it doesn’t SPECIFICALLY SAY that a hippo can’t serve as Transportation Secretary, so I’ve obviously named Moo Deng to take us where we need to go. Pun intended.
New York’s biggest kept secret is that New York sux.
February 8, 2025 at 10:56 AM
New York’s biggest kept secret is that New York sux.
I’m fine with this.
This is my favorite thing in the salon where I get my hair done.
February 8, 2025 at 10:55 AM
I’m fine with this.
They’ve already created time travel, but some people can keep a secret.
February 7, 2025 at 5:13 PM
They’ve already created time travel, but some people can keep a secret.