Matt Schatz
@mattschatz.bsky.social
Award-winning writer. Author of the new poetry collection SHOES LAST LONGER IN LA.
"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and how I once made the Statue of Liberty disappear, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap…”
June 12, 2025 at 4:20 AM
"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and how I once made the Statue of Liberty disappear, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap…”
Hell / Frost 2025
(After Robert)
Some say LA will end with fire
Some say with ICE
(After Robert)
Some say LA will end with fire
Some say with ICE
June 8, 2025 at 2:35 PM
Hell / Frost 2025
(After Robert)
Some say LA will end with fire
Some say with ICE
(After Robert)
Some say LA will end with fire
Some say with ICE
I’d sooner vote for Biden’s prostate than Trump.
One has cancer; the other is a cancer.
One has cancer; the other is a cancer.
May 18, 2025 at 9:52 PM
I’d sooner vote for Biden’s prostate than Trump.
One has cancer; the other is a cancer.
One has cancer; the other is a cancer.
So few opportunities out there for end-career writers.
May 16, 2025 at 7:11 PM
So few opportunities out there for end-career writers.
May the fifth be wifth you.
May 5, 2025 at 5:44 PM
May the fifth be wifth you.
Trump has a high removal rating.
April 25, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Trump has a high removal rating.
Trump 28 Days Later.
April 25, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Trump 28 Days Later.
Our economy is thriving!
And so are the schools!
America’s surviving!
April Fucking Fools.
April 1, 2025 at 8:16 PM
Our economy is thriving!
And so are the schools!
America’s surviving!
April Fucking Fools.
Two Other Dads Chatting At San Rafael Park
When they Say crypto Away I tiptoe
When they Say crypto Away I tiptoe
March 11, 2025 at 2:22 AM
Two Other Dads Chatting At San Rafael Park
When they Say crypto Away I tiptoe
When they Say crypto Away I tiptoe
My favorite show is on tonight. It’s about a group of people who have had their brains surgically divided between two spaces. It’s called “Love is Blind.”
March 8, 2025 at 3:50 AM
My favorite show is on tonight. It’s about a group of people who have had their brains surgically divided between two spaces. It’s called “Love is Blind.”
Parenting on February 28
Economic blackout!
Boycott the big box stores! The big box stores are vipers!
Don’t you dare back out! Don’t deign to darken their doors! (Unless, of course, you need diapers).
Economic blackout!
Boycott the big box stores! The big box stores are vipers!
Don’t you dare back out! Don’t deign to darken their doors! (Unless, of course, you need diapers).
February 27, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Parenting on February 28
Economic blackout!
Boycott the big box stores! The big box stores are vipers!
Don’t you dare back out! Don’t deign to darken their doors! (Unless, of course, you need diapers).
Economic blackout!
Boycott the big box stores! The big box stores are vipers!
Don’t you dare back out! Don’t deign to darken their doors! (Unless, of course, you need diapers).
Trip Advisory
Somehow, somewhy,
No one notices
How many die
At White Lotuses.
Somehow, somewhy,
No one notices
How many die
At White Lotuses.
February 27, 2025 at 4:44 PM
Trip Advisory
Somehow, somewhy,
No one notices
How many die
At White Lotuses.
Somehow, somewhy,
No one notices
How many die
At White Lotuses.
The Kennedy Center Cannot Hold
Think about the oath you took
When you raised your hand
Anyone who’s banned a book
Shouldn’t book a band
Think about the oath you took
When you raised your hand
Anyone who’s banned a book
Shouldn’t book a band
February 19, 2025 at 3:39 AM
The Kennedy Center Cannot Hold
Think about the oath you took
When you raised your hand
Anyone who’s banned a book
Shouldn’t book a band
Think about the oath you took
When you raised your hand
Anyone who’s banned a book
Shouldn’t book a band
Multiple reality stars
Run this great country of ours.
The richest dickheads in the world
Have their fascist flags unfurled.
Heads in the sand, asses up high;
This land is their land, and that is why—
All our trusted vehicles of satire
Sit on the shoulder, stuck with flat tire.
Run this great country of ours.
The richest dickheads in the world
Have their fascist flags unfurled.
Heads in the sand, asses up high;
This land is their land, and that is why—
All our trusted vehicles of satire
Sit on the shoulder, stuck with flat tire.
February 9, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Multiple reality stars
Run this great country of ours.
The richest dickheads in the world
Have their fascist flags unfurled.
Heads in the sand, asses up high;
This land is their land, and that is why—
All our trusted vehicles of satire
Sit on the shoulder, stuck with flat tire.
Run this great country of ours.
The richest dickheads in the world
Have their fascist flags unfurled.
Heads in the sand, asses up high;
This land is their land, and that is why—
All our trusted vehicles of satire
Sit on the shoulder, stuck with flat tire.
Woohoo! (Though there may be one more copy)
Purchased the last copy of #ShoesLastLongerInLA by @mattschatz.bsky.social at Vroman's last night--ask them to get more!
February 9, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Woohoo! (Though there may be one more copy)
Diss Track or:
A Short Message to Kanye West
(Who I Used to Love)
There was no TEC-9 on your dresser;
Your mom was an English Professor!
You’ve let so many down, and so often;
Your mom rolls and rolls in her coffin.
A Short Message to Kanye West
(Who I Used to Love)
There was no TEC-9 on your dresser;
Your mom was an English Professor!
You’ve let so many down, and so often;
Your mom rolls and rolls in her coffin.
February 8, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Diss Track or:
A Short Message to Kanye West
(Who I Used to Love)
There was no TEC-9 on your dresser;
Your mom was an English Professor!
You’ve let so many down, and so often;
Your mom rolls and rolls in her coffin.
A Short Message to Kanye West
(Who I Used to Love)
There was no TEC-9 on your dresser;
Your mom was an English Professor!
You’ve let so many down, and so often;
Your mom rolls and rolls in her coffin.
Things fall apart; the Kennedy Center cannot hold…
February 7, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Things fall apart; the Kennedy Center cannot hold…
Home
It’s really OK to leave it behind;
Let the elders doubt you.
The new one that you’ve yet to find
Won’t be the same without you.
It’s really OK to leave it behind;
Let the elders doubt you.
The new one that you’ve yet to find
Won’t be the same without you.
February 1, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Home
It’s really OK to leave it behind;
Let the elders doubt you.
The new one that you’ve yet to find
Won’t be the same without you.
It’s really OK to leave it behind;
Let the elders doubt you.
The new one that you’ve yet to find
Won’t be the same without you.
It’s Fraternal Order of Police? I always thought they were identical.
January 24, 2025 at 9:00 PM
It’s Fraternal Order of Police? I always thought they were identical.
“Yes, Sir, we do allow you to sing songs from Wicked at this particular theater, but this is a showing of The Brutalist.”
December 12, 2024 at 12:02 AM
“Yes, Sir, we do allow you to sing songs from Wicked at this particular theater, but this is a showing of The Brutalist.”
My College Job at the Pharmacy, 1999
I would steal packs
Of Marlboro lights
From off of the racks
When I would work nights
I didn’t smoke
But prices were hiked
My friends were all broke
I longed to be liked
December 9, 2024 at 4:28 PM
My College Job at the Pharmacy, 1999
I would steal packs
Of Marlboro lights
From off of the racks
When I would work nights
I didn’t smoke
But prices were hiked
My friends were all broke
I longed to be liked
Now is the winter of our discontent creators.
December 5, 2024 at 3:24 AM
Now is the winter of our discontent creators.