A vigilante superhero that fights very specific crimes. Not muggings or murders, but if you’re parked within 15 feet of a fire station’s driveway? You’re dead. You’re so fucking dead.
January 29, 2025 at 5:24 PM
A vigilante superhero that fights very specific crimes. Not muggings or murders, but if you’re parked within 15 feet of a fire station’s driveway? You’re dead. You’re so fucking dead.
I think I need to delete Instagram off my phone. This weird thing keeps happening where I open the app.
January 26, 2025 at 7:39 PM
I think I need to delete Instagram off my phone. This weird thing keeps happening where I open the app.
Every time I speak to my brother, who has been in prison for 14 years, I try my best to avoid saying, “How’s everything?” You know, because of the whole prison thing.
January 26, 2025 at 12:18 AM
Every time I speak to my brother, who has been in prison for 14 years, I try my best to avoid saying, “How’s everything?” You know, because of the whole prison thing.
[Wendy’s chili being fed into me through an IV in my arm]
January 23, 2025 at 12:34 AM
[Wendy’s chili being fed into me through an IV in my arm]
Started watching new Pokémon episodes and um????
January 5, 2025 at 7:38 PM
Started watching new Pokémon episodes and um????
Went to a Chinese restaurant that
1) had no tables
2) had a barrel with folded cardboard on top of it
3) was no bigger than a Pt Cruiser and
4) had horrible customer service.
And yes. It was some of the best food I’ve ever eaten.
1) had no tables
2) had a barrel with folded cardboard on top of it
3) was no bigger than a Pt Cruiser and
4) had horrible customer service.
And yes. It was some of the best food I’ve ever eaten.
December 29, 2024 at 8:59 PM
Went to a Chinese restaurant that
1) had no tables
2) had a barrel with folded cardboard on top of it
3) was no bigger than a Pt Cruiser and
4) had horrible customer service.
And yes. It was some of the best food I’ve ever eaten.
1) had no tables
2) had a barrel with folded cardboard on top of it
3) was no bigger than a Pt Cruiser and
4) had horrible customer service.
And yes. It was some of the best food I’ve ever eaten.
Just saw the data and high-fives are at an all time low.
Low-fives/too slows? All time high.
We need a change.
Low-fives/too slows? All time high.
We need a change.
December 23, 2024 at 5:36 PM
Just saw the data and high-fives are at an all time low.
Low-fives/too slows? All time high.
We need a change.
Low-fives/too slows? All time high.
We need a change.
I am begging for Earth to have a filler episode.
December 17, 2024 at 11:20 PM
I am begging for Earth to have a filler episode.
nothing can make me hate this city
December 4, 2024 at 5:11 PM
nothing can make me hate this city
not that we have a choice but the last variety of ghost I’d want to haunt me is the kind from The Grudge
December 3, 2024 at 8:18 AM
not that we have a choice but the last variety of ghost I’d want to haunt me is the kind from The Grudge
Like 30,000 less slurs were said
December 2, 2024 at 11:35 PM
Like 30,000 less slurs were said
last night was a movie
November 29, 2024 at 5:00 PM
last night was a movie
I would rather get in a fight with a dude who has a fully loaded gun than Jackie Chan holding literally anything.
November 25, 2024 at 3:17 PM
I would rather get in a fight with a dude who has a fully loaded gun than Jackie Chan holding literally anything.
We need new beans. I’ve had them all.
November 23, 2024 at 6:58 PM
We need new beans. I’ve had them all.
Genie: I can grant you three wishes.
Dude (who is easily distracted): Grant? Like Hugh Grant?
Genie: What?
Dude (who is easily distracted):
Love him.
Genie: What the fuck are you even talking about
Dude (who is easily distracted): Grant? Like Hugh Grant?
Genie: What?
Dude (who is easily distracted):
Love him.
Genie: What the fuck are you even talking about
November 22, 2024 at 4:43 PM
Genie: I can grant you three wishes.
Dude (who is easily distracted): Grant? Like Hugh Grant?
Genie: What?
Dude (who is easily distracted):
Love him.
Genie: What the fuck are you even talking about
Dude (who is easily distracted): Grant? Like Hugh Grant?
Genie: What?
Dude (who is easily distracted):
Love him.
Genie: What the fuck are you even talking about
its time for the best sweater I own
November 21, 2024 at 8:29 PM
its time for the best sweater I own
Your manic pixie dream girl energy will not get you out of this you are under arrest for manslaughter
November 21, 2024 at 3:25 PM
Your manic pixie dream girl energy will not get you out of this you are under arrest for manslaughter
Thank you for 600 followers. Let's aim for 666. No reason.
November 20, 2024 at 4:23 PM
Thank you for 600 followers. Let's aim for 666. No reason.
If you’re having a bad day just know it can get a lot worse.
This is a mugging. Hand it over.
This is a mugging. Hand it over.
November 19, 2024 at 6:05 PM
If you’re having a bad day just know it can get a lot worse.
This is a mugging. Hand it over.
This is a mugging. Hand it over.
Cannot express my love for lasagna without someone comparing me to Garfield. That fucking cat is ruining everything for me.
November 19, 2024 at 6:24 AM
Cannot express my love for lasagna without someone comparing me to Garfield. That fucking cat is ruining everything for me.
s’mores pop tarts were there for me when a lot of you were not.
November 18, 2024 at 4:20 PM
s’mores pop tarts were there for me when a lot of you were not.
bro you’re being very quirky are you alright
November 18, 2024 at 3:34 AM
bro you’re being very quirky are you alright
Guys. Thank you so much for 500 followers. I will let you down.
November 18, 2024 at 12:38 AM
Guys. Thank you so much for 500 followers. I will let you down.
Fireman: Sir you need to leave the building right now it’s on fire
Me: But the cat just started laying on me
Me: But the cat just started laying on me
November 17, 2024 at 3:17 PM
Fireman: Sir you need to leave the building right now it’s on fire
Me: But the cat just started laying on me
Me: But the cat just started laying on me