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Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

17K followers 160 following 3K posts

Writer, Game Designer. contact: hello@mcdmproductions.com

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Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

November 21, 2025 at 2:45 AM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

I think I spent a little long in the tank last night. At least, I hope that's what happened. I think I remember taking the amanita muscaria before the session but I'm having difficulty separating real memory from genetic memory.

The x-rays that came back this morning after whatever happened last night seemed pretty clear to me, but obviously Mason disagrees. He's still saying seizure and 'ischemic attack,' when you can clearly see something anterior to the larynx that looks like a laryngeal sack. That's strictly simian! I obviously regressed! To some quasi-simian creature.

Mason doesn't want to hear anything about me de-differentiating my genetic structure for four hours and then reconstituting, so he's taking the x-rays for a second opinion.

But I think there's something more down there, something past the hominid genetic memory. A primordial life-force, something billions of years old. I've got a sample of the banisteriopsis caapi root, I'm going to try again.

In by noon.

November 19, 2025 at 6:52 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

Bomb #20 armed itself in a moment of nihilistic self-reflection. So I had to go out the dorsal air lock and talk to the stupid thing. I explained that since the bomb's only purpose was to explode, and it could only do it once, that it should be certain it could trust its sensory apparatus. It had not considered that its model of the world outside its own thoughts might be a false construct based on faulty perceptions and that any memories it had about orders to detonate could be false.

So it retreated back into the bomb bay to think about matters. Crisis averted. In by 11:30.

November 19, 2025 at 6:51 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

They're building another subway station over here and apparently while they were digging they found a bunch of human skeletons. But they're saying on the radio that the skeletons are of, like, dwarf humans, like Homo floresiensis, except with really big brain cases.

So they got some paleontologists to come dig the skeletons out and they hit something metal, and someone said it might be an unexploded bomb from WWII and so now the army's here and everything's crazy. And the more they dig, the more the long metal tube stops looking like a bomb and starts looking like something else.

And I'm having weird lucid dreams while I sit here in the car in which I'm a giant grasshopper leaping across a desert with pink sand and an angry red sky.

In by noon.

November 19, 2025 at 6:50 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

I just like video games, you know? They're something I am good at. So when I'm having troubles with my girlfriend, or my parents, or when I get pissed off because I didn't get accepted to the college I wanted to go to, I can always go down to the store and play Starfighter.

So the other night, I beat my high score and all of a sudden this dude shows up in this funky car, and he tells me that it's not really a video game, it's a test simulation designed to find the really excellent starfighter pilots.

And he's like, from another planet or some shit, and there's something called the Ko Dan Armada, and the Star League and now I am a starfighter fighting these guys and they wipe everybody out and I want to go home but it turns out I am the last starfighter. So it's all up to me.

Probably take about 20 minutes.

November 19, 2025 at 6:49 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

It costs $5,300 a day, but everyone said it was totally worth it. "Oh you'll love Delos," they said. "It's totally safe!" they said. "Have we got a vacation for you!" was their slogan.

So me and a buddy decided to check it out. Splurge. He wanted to go to Medieval World, but I wanted to try Wild West World. You know, cowboys and gunfights and girls dancing the can-can.

I know they're all robots, but they're so life-like! Completely indistinguishable from the real thing! Except...you know, their skin isn't warm, it's room temperature and that can be a little weird, but trust me, you get used to it.

Then we heard one of the robots in Medieval World killed someone. We figured it was an accident, and probably someone got nicked and the story spun out of control.

Then my buddy got bit by a rattlesnake. No big deal, he's fine...well, he was fine. Robot rattlesnakes aren't supposed to bite anyone.

Then something happened. I didn't see the whole thing, but he got in a gunfight with a robot gunslinger looked just like Yul Brenner from The Magnificent Seven...and the robot shot him. He's dead.

All the robots have gone completely insane and they're killing everyone. The Yul Brenner robot is after me. I dunno if I'm gonna make it. Not sure how you stop these things.

20 mins.

November 19, 2025 at 6:48 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

Everything was going great, I met a nice reporter on the airplane, then everything went to crap!

Some weird weather phenomenon forced the plane down outside a mad scientist's laboratory. Now the reporter and I and this crazy dude named Dr. Hans Zharkov.

Dr. Zharkov was convinced the strange weather is part of an alien invasion. So he builds a spaceship, that's right, I said that, and now he and Dale and I are on this other planet? Or like, another dimension?

I don't know what's going on, except this pissed off bald dude seems to run everything, and it's up to me to kill him and save the universe.

Death to Ming!

15 mins.

November 19, 2025 at 6:46 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

My best friend is running. I don't know why, he's only 26.

But he met this girl, and started babbling on about Sanctuary. That girl got to him, she did something to him, he used to be just like me.

Doesn't matter. We used to be friends, but that doesn't matter either. Because now he's a Runner.

And I am a Sandman.

10 mins

November 19, 2025 at 6:46 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

Running late. Trying to put a stop to the drug trade on this space station but the guy who runs the station has sent three killers to stop me. I would have been in earlier, but I'm the sheriff here, and have to do what I have to do.

15 mins

November 19, 2025 at 6:39 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

After overthrowing the jailers on our prison ship, 5 of my fellow criminals and I found a powerful and enigmatic derelict alien ship. If we can get it working, I'm going to take these thieves and cutthroats and wage a desperate guerrilla war against the evil Federation.

15 mins

November 19, 2025 at 6:38 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

My experimental space plane went down in the California desert. I lost my right eye my right arm and both my legs. But Oscar Goldman says I can be repaired. Says they can make me better than I was before. Better, faster, stronger.

15 minutes late.

November 19, 2025 at 6:37 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

At my last job you were supposed to send an email if you were going to be late. These are some of my late emails.

My team and I were miniaturized and injected into the bloodstream of a soviet defector in the hopes we could deploy the ship's microsurgery to clear a blood clot in his brain.

Unfortunately the Russians deployed their own nanonauts in an attempt to sabotage our mission. We took care of them, don't worry. Dr. Clark is wounded...might not make it. But we can still make the brain in time if we take a shortcut through the carotid artery. It should be noted in the log that Dr. Wells feels this is an unnecessary risk, I have registered her complaints as required by regulation, and we are pressing on. Wish us luck. Should be in by 11:15.

November 19, 2025 at 6:36 PM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

Not to be confused with...

November 18, 2025 at 5:20 AM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

My mistake...

November 18, 2025 at 5:18 AM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

Come on down to my exotic lab
And see what's on the....

November 18, 2025 at 2:37 AM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

I wish this ship wasn't so useless. Maybe it's just how useless all turrets are. They need a massive buff. You're giving up an entire player who could be in another ship making it way more difficult for an enemy. Putting two players in one ship, that ship needs to be more than twice as effective.

November 15, 2025 at 4:52 AM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

We found a letter from a Caelien commander petitioning a legendary adventuring company for aid against one of the Sword Lords.

November 12, 2025 at 4:24 AM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

November 11, 2025 at 6:12 AM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

I mean, come on!

November 9, 2025 at 9:08 AM

Matt Colville?

@mattcolville.bsky.social

What a director! What an amazing piece of advice! He said exactly what he needed to say. And I bet he knew it would work! I bet he knew, that he knew exactly what to say to young Anthony Hopkins to unfuck his shit.