If you have a car, you technically have executive control on who may and may not shit in it.
August 14, 2025 at 2:42 AM
If you have a car, you technically have executive control on who may and may not shit in it.
Calling out sick tomorrow because of all these sick skills I have 🤘
July 6, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Calling out sick tomorrow because of all these sick skills I have 🤘
Totally sober, post-boner, and dressed for success
June 30, 2025 at 8:12 AM
Totally sober, post-boner, and dressed for success
Life is short.
Ruin it.
Ruin it.
June 20, 2025 at 8:58 AM
Life is short.
Ruin it.
Ruin it.
Just *** in my *** and we'll name whatever comes out ❤️
June 11, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Just *** in my *** and we'll name whatever comes out ❤️
If I put an ice cube up my ass will it stop the burning?
Asking for myself 💁♂️
Asking for myself 💁♂️
June 10, 2025 at 10:48 PM
If I put an ice cube up my ass will it stop the burning?
Asking for myself 💁♂️
Asking for myself 💁♂️
I prepared a list of facts about how I prefer my chicken wings.
(This is a true story)
(This is a true story)
June 1, 2025 at 4:38 AM
I prepared a list of facts about how I prefer my chicken wings.
(This is a true story)
(This is a true story)
I measure 8 times and fuck it up anyways
May 18, 2025 at 11:13 PM
I measure 8 times and fuck it up anyways
Wifi: Insecure
Me: Aw about what, buttercup?
Me: Aw about what, buttercup?
April 9, 2025 at 3:09 AM
Wifi: Insecure
Me: Aw about what, buttercup?
Me: Aw about what, buttercup?
Proposal for Congress: Federal minimum walking-speed for all sidewalks.
Enforced by aircraft.
Enforced by aircraft.
April 6, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Proposal for Congress: Federal minimum walking-speed for all sidewalks.
Enforced by aircraft.
Enforced by aircraft.
"1-10 how much do you love me?"
Vs.
"$1-100 how much should my venmo request be?"
Vs.
"$1-100 how much should my venmo request be?"
March 28, 2025 at 5:03 PM
"1-10 how much do you love me?"
Vs.
"$1-100 how much should my venmo request be?"
Vs.
"$1-100 how much should my venmo request be?"
If I'm gonna leave my mark it's gonna be in the newspapers obituaries 🔪
March 26, 2025 at 10:45 PM
If I'm gonna leave my mark it's gonna be in the newspapers obituaries 🔪
Huge head, small shaft.
Sad day
Sad day
March 2, 2025 at 11:06 PM
Huge head, small shaft.
Sad day
Sad day
Give me one of those dog vests that day "Do not pet, not friendly"
March 1, 2025 at 9:18 PM
Give me one of those dog vests that day "Do not pet, not friendly"
Another platform to post things just heinous enough I become unhirable
February 27, 2025 at 5:31 AM
Another platform to post things just heinous enough I become unhirable