Disciple era where sj and lqg get into their weekly massive fight, then cut to sj hiding in the forest afterwards, having such a bad panic attack he throws up because it’s so scary for this obvious rich kid to yell at him. He knows what normally happens next.

sj doesn’t know that lqg was in fact a virgin before this and didn’t even realize he’s into men until now and this is kinda a huge deal for him. sj is used to being a pretty little thing that straight men make an exception for.

#liujiu where they mess around as teen disciples and lqg takes it super seriously, freaking out about the fact that he took sj’s virginity and insisting they have a serious relationship now. Meanwhile sj has traded his body for survival more times than he can count.

Liu Qingge turns to leave and then hesitates. "For the record, I don't want to hurt you like that. None of us do. That's entirely in your head. And I don't hate you, not really. You're just... frustrating sometimes. But I don't hate you."

As he walks away, he hears Shen Jiu start to cry.

This doesn’t sound like the Shen Jiu that Liu Qingge knows, the stubborn, rude, and unapologetic man he knows a bit too well. But this Shen Jiu isn’t a man. He’s still just a boy, undersized and lacking any control in his life, unable to defend himself even if he tried. Of course he’s given up.

“What did you do?” Liu Qingge asks. “Did you kill him?”

Shen Jiu nods. There’s a faint smell of burning in the air, burning wood and cloth and hair and skin. It disappears in an instant. “I couldn’t wait any longer. But I’ll do it right this time, I promise. I’ll die like I’m supposed to.”

Liu Qingge has been accused of being obtuse many times and to be fair, it’s often earned. But even he knows what that means, what it means for Shen Jiu to lie motionless on a bed and wait for a monster to come. He looks at the boy clinging to Ning Yingying and wonders how he missed it.

Shen Qingqiu gives a look that Ning Yingying is very familiar with, the look he gives when she plays a wrong note or paints a blob instead of a tree and he doesn't want to scold her like the others. "If nobody stepped in to stop him then, how could I expect anyone to care about what he did now?"

"What happened?" she asks.

"I was very young," he says. "Younger than you were when we first met. It was worse than this, I think. I can't remember clearly. He owned me and did what he wished with my body. If I endured that, so can you. You have to endure, Yingying. You can't fight him."

Ning Yingying knows that Shen Qingqiu isn't like other men. When her blood first came, he didn't send her off to a woman to learn what to do. He knew everything from experience and told her so when she started crying, scared her body was falling apart. He knew exactly how she felt.

"It's not your fault," she says. "I must not be doing my duty as a wife properly. Maybe if I can carry his child, things will be better."

"I used to think like that. But it didn't change anything." Shen Qingqiu says. "It was a different man back then but all men are the same."

"You have to hold still. If you struggle, he'll wring your neck like a disobedient dog. Just hold still and pretend like your body doesn't belong to you. If you pretend hard enough, you'll start to believe it and it won't be so bad." Shen Qingqiu looks like a haunted man. "I'm so sorry, Yingying."

"Does he hit you?"

Ning Yingying shakes her head.

"Does he insult you?"

No to that one as well.

"Does he force himself on you?"

She hesitates. "Do kisses count?"

Shen Qingqiu sighs heavily, all light gone from his eyes. "Yes, it counts. And it's going to get worse."

"You look beautiful, Yingying. How long has it been?"

"A year." It doesn't sound very long but it feels like a lifetime. She wishes she had brought fresh clothes, some bandages, anything more practical than a cup of tea.

Shen Qingqiu puts the cup down, still full. "Does he treat you well?"

Ning Yingying doesn't know why she did it.

She was fully there in the courtroom, heard the words in her own voice, but she doesn't know why she said them. Maybe it was for her love for Luo Binghe. Maybe it was just to protect herself from the man he has become.

But Ning Yingying does. “A man who hurt him.”

“That thing isn’t a man!” Liu Qingge says, louder than he means.

“It is,” she says. “It feels like a man. You don’t understand because you’re not a girl.”

“He isn’t either!”

“But he was hurt like one.”

“Who?” Liu Qingge asks.

“Him,” Shen Jiu answers, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “He wants me again tonight.”

Liu Qingge looks at Ning Yingying, hoping she somehow knows what Shen Jiu is talking about. There’s something very sad in her expression but she says nothing.

“Get up. We’re leaving.” Liu Qingge doesn’t want to spend another second in this strange room with heavy air that tastes like blood.

“No,” Shen Jiu says. “He’ll be here soon and it’s better if I don’t fight back. If I try to run, he’ll kill me. If I lie here and let him do it…” His eyes are dull.

Something is wrong with Shen Jiu.

Liu Qingge is hardly what you would call perceptive but even he can tell. Shen Jiu came back from a mission unlike himself and he’s been missing for more than a week. There’s something wrong with him.

Why can’t anyone else see it? Or do they simply not care?