a new baby! congratulations! i just read your book and this is extra sweet news. ❤️ you and lisa and your whole community deserve the best of all things.

if you don’t know if i’m serious, thanks to my birthday gift from my daughter, we are playoff ready

It seems that any time the UCP has an opportunity to harm the most vulnerable, they go for it - kids, seniors, addicts, homeless, disabled, poor. New Fed Gov't needs to seriously consider how they disburse funds to Alberta (for any purpose). @mark-carney.bsky.social @naheednenshi.bsky.social

in other words: i’m uniquely equipped to be her mother, in this time, at this time in my life. mb that’s why it doesn’t feel like i need to “get it right” the same way other stressors in my life have been. the pressure isn’t external, it’s a whole other human being

yet fully within my control, in that all these choices are encompassed within my realm of responsibility, and i don’t at all feel guided in any sense. i feel completely alone in it yet uniquely competent thx to every one of my pre-parenthood experiences: trauma, achievement, family history, dreams.

parenting feels different though, maybe because it’s exhausting and it demands all of my resources and more. impulsivity isn’t effective as a caregiver; the nature & outcomes of my parenting choices are not congruent w/ satisfying my monkey brain or even my heart. it’s a motivation beyond myself

irl my brain is wired to see/categorize everything hierarchically and i execute decisions using my own bias
i don’t want to pathologize myself too much bc this is v much a generational trait. i’m recognizing that you can have pure intentions and still be mentally self-serving in your pursuits

i know my perfectionism is a survival strategy which no longer serves me, and hasn’t for a long time. on the surface i often present as publicly vulnerable and i encourage vulnerability/imperfection among my peers and loved ones

if we can hold objective, compassionate space for survivors, abusers, politicians and their money problems and fucking billionaires and their political views 🙄🙄… we can do a better job at holding space for the people who literally break to bring us here. we can do better by moms.

i have a great kid whom i love exponentially and birthing her LITERALLY broke me, and my physical experience on this earth has been hell ever since.
both these things are true. one does not negate the other.

i literally would’ve just prayed because that’s the only thing that i could do. the illusion of influence in any direction was cruel.
and don’t even get me started on the double whammy of my postpartum complications, the surgery that almost killed me, and how i went home to “recover” w/o support.

that’s fucked right? bc “good vibes only” is privileged violence and that’s something i never advocate for culturally or socially
but if i knew birth was a battleground where i was going to lose, a war zone bent on my destruction and complicity,