Don't you have laws in the US which say that you can't be sued for slander for evidence given in court? I'm in the UK – we have such laws here.

Someone used FB to send personal attacks on me to my friends and family. I complained to FB, and asked if these messages could be removed. They told me it was not possible, but suggested I should talk to a teacher about it. I don't know any teachers: I am in my 60s.

Public launderettes, too. Your bed linen often came back smelling worse than before you washed it.

Please don’t do irony, for two reasons:

1. There’s always someone who doesn’t realise it’s irony and takes it literally.

2. It encourages others to attempt irony, and they may not be as good at it as you; they *will* be taken literally.

An entirely fictitious email address serves just as well. I mean, they can’t use it to send a confirmation code or anything, since you don’t (yet) have Internet connection.

“…and a hot new guy who did the splits on the mat next to me “

Intentionally?

No batter has ever scored less than zero in a test? You’ve clearly never tasted my girlfriend’s pancakes.

You're referencing "The Flowerpot Men" here?

“Extremely cool hot girls”? Can they be both?

Everyone knows February is the shortest month, but I don’t think it’s widely appreciated that October is the longest.

I’m a member of a few motorbike groups, so I’ll ask. What’s the best way to contact you, if not BlueSky?

My iPhone’s’loading this video’ wheel makes it look as if Luna is swinging her tail round