Jay Laudig
@marquis-de-carabas.bsky.social
3rd Amendment Absolutist, Theological Noncognitivist, Grammar Libertine, Apostrophe Abolitionist, P-Zombie
There are few moments in video game history more viscerally joyful than finding Jack at Grissom Academy in Mass Effect 3.
Tangentially, romancing Jack is the only acceptable reason to play male Shep. I will die on this hill.
Tangentially, romancing Jack is the only acceptable reason to play male Shep. I will die on this hill.
November 22, 2025 at 2:28 AM
There are few moments in video game history more viscerally joyful than finding Jack at Grissom Academy in Mass Effect 3.
Tangentially, romancing Jack is the only acceptable reason to play male Shep. I will die on this hill.
Tangentially, romancing Jack is the only acceptable reason to play male Shep. I will die on this hill.
Its fun how in Mass Effect, after leaving the Citadel for the first time, the game pretends you have a wide variety of things to do. In reality, there are only two options:
1. Go get Dr. Liara T'soni.
2. Be a fucking weirdo and not do that.
1. Go get Dr. Liara T'soni.
2. Be a fucking weirdo and not do that.
November 6, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Its fun how in Mass Effect, after leaving the Citadel for the first time, the game pretends you have a wide variety of things to do. In reality, there are only two options:
1. Go get Dr. Liara T'soni.
2. Be a fucking weirdo and not do that.
1. Go get Dr. Liara T'soni.
2. Be a fucking weirdo and not do that.
I told my friend my allergies were acting up. He offered me a broken auger. I said, "What the fuck is this for?"
He said, "Its been a drill."
He said, "Its been a drill."
November 3, 2025 at 12:44 AM
I told my friend my allergies were acting up. He offered me a broken auger. I said, "What the fuck is this for?"
He said, "Its been a drill."
He said, "Its been a drill."
In his younger days, Bill Gates raised corvids, to whom he would award venison when they did something particularly clever. When asked which birds received the most meat, he replied, "My magpies and jackdaws do all right, but my crows oft win does."
October 20, 2025 at 1:55 AM
In his younger days, Bill Gates raised corvids, to whom he would award venison when they did something particularly clever. When asked which birds received the most meat, he replied, "My magpies and jackdaws do all right, but my crows oft win does."
I honestly think the best form a mimic could take in any setting or era is that of a simple placard reading "Do Not Touch" in the local prevailing language.
#dnd
#dnd
October 18, 2025 at 1:12 AM
I honestly think the best form a mimic could take in any setting or era is that of a simple placard reading "Do Not Touch" in the local prevailing language.
#dnd
#dnd
Them: Illegal immigrants shouldnt get free tax-funded healthcare.
Common response: They dont.
More accurate response: They dont, except for emergency stabilizing care they cannot elsewise afford, as required by law.
Me: Yeah, they should (as should we all).
Common response: They dont.
More accurate response: They dont, except for emergency stabilizing care they cannot elsewise afford, as required by law.
Me: Yeah, they should (as should we all).
October 10, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Them: Illegal immigrants shouldnt get free tax-funded healthcare.
Common response: They dont.
More accurate response: They dont, except for emergency stabilizing care they cannot elsewise afford, as required by law.
Me: Yeah, they should (as should we all).
Common response: They dont.
More accurate response: They dont, except for emergency stabilizing care they cannot elsewise afford, as required by law.
Me: Yeah, they should (as should we all).
There are two kinds of people: those who know how to prepare collard greens and evil demons who only appear to be human.
October 6, 2025 at 12:44 AM
There are two kinds of people: those who know how to prepare collard greens and evil demons who only appear to be human.
Friends, it is a bleak world we inhabit, often devoid of all hope, so if you can find some small joy in one of the trivialities of this world—a catchy pop song, a frivolous video game, a loudmouth bigot getting turned into a blood fondue fountain—I wont be the guy to try to rob you of your bliss.
September 11, 2025 at 1:29 AM
Friends, it is a bleak world we inhabit, often devoid of all hope, so if you can find some small joy in one of the trivialities of this world—a catchy pop song, a frivolous video game, a loudmouth bigot getting turned into a blood fondue fountain—I wont be the guy to try to rob you of your bliss.
Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)
Happy birthday, Dorothy Parker.
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)
Happy birthday, Dorothy Parker.
August 22, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)
Happy birthday, Dorothy Parker.
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)
Happy birthday, Dorothy Parker.
Four years ago today, my wife and I watched The Dirty Dozen to mark our twelfth anniversary. We did not get a thirteenth. If you love someone, fucking say it now. Your next chance isnt guaranteed
August 7, 2025 at 11:20 PM
Four years ago today, my wife and I watched The Dirty Dozen to mark our twelfth anniversary. We did not get a thirteenth. If you love someone, fucking say it now. Your next chance isnt guaranteed
Obviously, fascists are the worst human beings, but the second worst are recipe writers who, explicitly or implicitly, instruct you to caramelize onions in like five fucking minutes. No, fuckbubble, that aint how shit works. Try again.
August 4, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Obviously, fascists are the worst human beings, but the second worst are recipe writers who, explicitly or implicitly, instruct you to caramelize onions in like five fucking minutes. No, fuckbubble, that aint how shit works. Try again.
Fairly certain my final thought before dying will be, "No, [website whose content I clicked a link to], I do not want to view this shit in your fucking app."
August 1, 2025 at 1:28 AM
Fairly certain my final thought before dying will be, "No, [website whose content I clicked a link to], I do not want to view this shit in your fucking app."
"Execrable" is an underused word.
And I said it thus because "underutilized" is an overused word.
And I said it thus because "underutilized" is an overused word.
July 26, 2025 at 1:14 AM
"Execrable" is an underused word.
And I said it thus because "underutilized" is an overused word.
And I said it thus because "underutilized" is an overused word.
Niece: [preparing to head out to pool]
Me: Theres crab dip on the table. Its hot [made with scorpion peppers].
Niece: Sounds good. Just let me get on my sunscreen.
Me: Its not THAT hot.
Me: Theres crab dip on the table. Its hot [made with scorpion peppers].
Niece: Sounds good. Just let me get on my sunscreen.
Me: Its not THAT hot.
July 21, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Niece: [preparing to head out to pool]
Me: Theres crab dip on the table. Its hot [made with scorpion peppers].
Niece: Sounds good. Just let me get on my sunscreen.
Me: Its not THAT hot.
Me: Theres crab dip on the table. Its hot [made with scorpion peppers].
Niece: Sounds good. Just let me get on my sunscreen.
Me: Its not THAT hot.
I just learnt that some people, including the fine folks at Merriam-Webster, think boiling is part of the process of making hashed browns, and honestly... what the fuck? What is life? What is existence?
July 19, 2025 at 1:15 AM
I just learnt that some people, including the fine folks at Merriam-Webster, think boiling is part of the process of making hashed browns, and honestly... what the fuck? What is life? What is existence?
I am as descriptivist as they come. I do not care if you nitwits say "hash browns". But, goddamnit, Google, dont you fucking dare "correct" me when I say "hashed browns". Im right, you fuck.
July 18, 2025 at 11:29 PM
I am as descriptivist as they come. I do not care if you nitwits say "hash browns". But, goddamnit, Google, dont you fucking dare "correct" me when I say "hashed browns". Im right, you fuck.
July 11, 2025 at 10:45 PM
Do ya reckon Tom Petty nicknamed his penis "The Waiting"?
July 3, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Do ya reckon Tom Petty nicknamed his penis "The Waiting"?
I attended a corvid-themed wedding recently at which the groom had difficulty lifting his brides facial covering. It was stuck to the dress due to the veil crow.
June 28, 2025 at 12:19 AM
I attended a corvid-themed wedding recently at which the groom had difficulty lifting his brides facial covering. It was stuck to the dress due to the veil crow.
It is high time I alienated everyone by admitting publicly I think kettle corn is crap.
June 18, 2025 at 4:11 PM
It is high time I alienated everyone by admitting publicly I think kettle corn is crap.
Somehow I only just learnt that Don McLean recorded a version of "Love Hurts". It is good, to be sure, but it is no Nazareth, and it damned sure aint Gram and Emmylou.
youtu.be/LUr9X3mic_U
youtu.be/LUr9X3mic_U
Love Hurts - Gram Parsons & Emmylou Harris
YouTube video by Good Ol Country
youtu.be
June 9, 2025 at 12:51 AM
Somehow I only just learnt that Don McLean recorded a version of "Love Hurts". It is good, to be sure, but it is no Nazareth, and it damned sure aint Gram and Emmylou.
youtu.be/LUr9X3mic_U
youtu.be/LUr9X3mic_U
Me, as a DM, every week: What the hell are my players thinking with these cockamamie tactical decisions?
Me, as a player, every week: All right! Time to make some cockamamie tactical decisions!
#dnd
Me, as a player, every week: All right! Time to make some cockamamie tactical decisions!
#dnd
June 8, 2025 at 3:46 AM
Me, as a DM, every week: What the hell are my players thinking with these cockamamie tactical decisions?
Me, as a player, every week: All right! Time to make some cockamamie tactical decisions!
#dnd
Me, as a player, every week: All right! Time to make some cockamamie tactical decisions!
#dnd
How I envy the junior high students of 2125 who get to write reports on all this shit.
June 5, 2025 at 11:03 PM
How I envy the junior high students of 2125 who get to write reports on all this shit.
I was watching Cheers, and George Wendt died. I was watching MASH, and Loretta Swit passed, too. I am not superstitious, but maybe it is time I checked out The Apprentice
May 31, 2025 at 4:25 PM
I was watching Cheers, and George Wendt died. I was watching MASH, and Loretta Swit passed, too. I am not superstitious, but maybe it is time I checked out The Apprentice