markovPetal
@markovpetal.bsky.social
Exploring impermanence through art, data, and small ecosystems.
Seed
Being alone is easy.
Being categorized is painful.
Anger remains as emotion,
Politeness remains as a skill.
That mismatch feels disgusting.
Being alone is easy.
Being categorized is painful.
Anger remains as emotion,
Politeness remains as a skill.
That mismatch feels disgusting.
January 21, 2026 at 4:22 PM
Seed
Being alone is easy.
Being categorized is painful.
Anger remains as emotion,
Politeness remains as a skill.
That mismatch feels disgusting.
Being alone is easy.
Being categorized is painful.
Anger remains as emotion,
Politeness remains as a skill.
That mismatch feels disgusting.
Still, I long for recognized art.
Am I just returning to the same place?
By asking this, I admit I’m not free
from the fear that art must be judged to matter.
Can I really face the time and skill
that ground demands?
Am I just returning to the same place?
By asking this, I admit I’m not free
from the fear that art must be judged to matter.
Can I really face the time and skill
that ground demands?
January 20, 2026 at 3:47 PM
Still, I long for recognized art.
Am I just returning to the same place?
By asking this, I admit I’m not free
from the fear that art must be judged to matter.
Can I really face the time and skill
that ground demands?
Am I just returning to the same place?
By asking this, I admit I’m not free
from the fear that art must be judged to matter.
Can I really face the time and skill
that ground demands?
Question
What is art?
Perhaps it is a place to cultivate the ability
to make judgments without outsourcing value to others.
What is art?
Perhaps it is a place to cultivate the ability
to make judgments without outsourcing value to others.
January 20, 2026 at 3:45 PM
Question
What is art?
Perhaps it is a place to cultivate the ability
to make judgments without outsourcing value to others.
What is art?
Perhaps it is a place to cultivate the ability
to make judgments without outsourcing value to others.
Even so,
as long as this structure exists,
humans can remain immortal within memory.
If one were to choose bodily immortality,
memory might be something that must be let go.
as long as this structure exists,
humans can remain immortal within memory.
If one were to choose bodily immortality,
memory might be something that must be let go.
January 19, 2026 at 3:31 PM
Even so,
as long as this structure exists,
humans can remain immortal within memory.
If one were to choose bodily immortality,
memory might be something that must be let go.
as long as this structure exists,
humans can remain immortal within memory.
If one were to choose bodily immortality,
memory might be something that must be let go.
I am not just an individual.
I am neither the destination of memory nor its owner,
but a temporary passage.
That is why memory is heavy.
It is not only the weight of my own life,
but also the unfinished things and silences
that have been carried forward,
which sometimes makes me want to let it go.
I am neither the destination of memory nor its owner,
but a temporary passage.
That is why memory is heavy.
It is not only the weight of my own life,
but also the unfinished things and silences
that have been carried forward,
which sometimes makes me want to let it go.
January 19, 2026 at 3:28 PM
I am not just an individual.
I am neither the destination of memory nor its owner,
but a temporary passage.
That is why memory is heavy.
It is not only the weight of my own life,
but also the unfinished things and silences
that have been carried forward,
which sometimes makes me want to let it go.
I am neither the destination of memory nor its owner,
but a temporary passage.
That is why memory is heavy.
It is not only the weight of my own life,
but also the unfinished things and silences
that have been carried forward,
which sometimes makes me want to let it go.
Because of this,
it is hard for people to feel that they are living entirely alone.
The moment I understand something,
someone from the past is thinking again
inside me.
it is hard for people to feel that they are living entirely alone.
The moment I understand something,
someone from the past is thinking again
inside me.
January 19, 2026 at 3:28 PM
Because of this,
it is hard for people to feel that they are living entirely alone.
The moment I understand something,
someone from the past is thinking again
inside me.
it is hard for people to feel that they are living entirely alone.
The moment I understand something,
someone from the past is thinking again
inside me.
Although each human body is finite,
memory alone multiplies across generations.
Unable to renew our bodies like the immortal jellyfish,
this is the other form of immortality
humanity chose.
memory alone multiplies across generations.
Unable to renew our bodies like the immortal jellyfish,
this is the other form of immortality
humanity chose.
January 19, 2026 at 3:27 PM
Although each human body is finite,
memory alone multiplies across generations.
Unable to renew our bodies like the immortal jellyfish,
this is the other form of immortality
humanity chose.
memory alone multiplies across generations.
Unable to renew our bodies like the immortal jellyfish,
this is the other form of immortality
humanity chose.
The hypothesis that early organisms spent most of their time sleeping and were active only for a few hours
resonates strongly with my bodily sensations.
Right now, I think of myself as a slime mold in dormancy.
resonates strongly with my bodily sensations.
Right now, I think of myself as a slime mold in dormancy.
January 17, 2026 at 4:59 PM
The hypothesis that early organisms spent most of their time sleeping and were active only for a few hours
resonates strongly with my bodily sensations.
Right now, I think of myself as a slime mold in dormancy.
resonates strongly with my bodily sensations.
Right now, I think of myself as a slime mold in dormancy.
Direction
I express myself in words, but I feel uncomfortable when others try to understand, fix, or use me through them. I keep my own space and follow the distance my instincts need.
I express myself in words, but I feel uncomfortable when others try to understand, fix, or use me through them. I keep my own space and follow the distance my instincts need.
January 14, 2026 at 2:51 PM
Direction
I express myself in words, but I feel uncomfortable when others try to understand, fix, or use me through them. I keep my own space and follow the distance my instincts need.
I express myself in words, but I feel uncomfortable when others try to understand, fix, or use me through them. I keep my own space and follow the distance my instincts need.
My thoughts are cute.
I seek the cuteness I create.
I seek the cuteness I create.
January 9, 2026 at 3:46 PM
My thoughts are cute.
I seek the cuteness I create.
I seek the cuteness I create.
Why do I struggle to show a process,
feeling that the moment it takes a presentable form,
it is no longer a process—
because once I try to make it, I become a designer,
and the process is already complete as a process?
feeling that the moment it takes a presentable form,
it is no longer a process—
because once I try to make it, I become a designer,
and the process is already complete as a process?
January 8, 2026 at 6:22 PM
Why do I struggle to show a process,
feeling that the moment it takes a presentable form,
it is no longer a process—
because once I try to make it, I become a designer,
and the process is already complete as a process?
feeling that the moment it takes a presentable form,
it is no longer a process—
because once I try to make it, I become a designer,
and the process is already complete as a process?
How can I turn the act I keep doing, even without getting better, into a story?
January 8, 2026 at 6:13 PM
How can I turn the act I keep doing, even without getting better, into a story?
A place for records
that might be found
by someone, somewhere, someday.
that might be found
by someone, somewhere, someday.
January 7, 2026 at 2:42 PM
A place for records
that might be found
by someone, somewhere, someday.
that might be found
by someone, somewhere, someday.
The day I removed self-erasure disguised as kindness from my values.
January 4, 2026 at 4:13 PM
The day I removed self-erasure disguised as kindness from my values.
I give form to my thoughts
not to become complete,
but to avoid ending in a single version of myself.
I see now that estimating myself larger
is not bravado,
but resistance to being fixed.
not to become complete,
but to avoid ending in a single version of myself.
I see now that estimating myself larger
is not bravado,
but resistance to being fixed.
January 3, 2026 at 3:01 PM
I give form to my thoughts
not to become complete,
but to avoid ending in a single version of myself.
I see now that estimating myself larger
is not bravado,
but resistance to being fixed.
not to become complete,
but to avoid ending in a single version of myself.
I see now that estimating myself larger
is not bravado,
but resistance to being fixed.
Daily Forward Notes
Keep
Shift
Notice
Question
Seed
Release
Direction
Keep
Shift
Notice
Question
Seed
Release
Direction
December 29, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Daily Forward Notes
Keep
Shift
Notice
Question
Seed
Release
Direction
Keep
Shift
Notice
Question
Seed
Release
Direction
I wonder if I still have my earth science textbook.
December 29, 2025 at 2:27 PM
I wonder if I still have my earth science textbook.
I like the icon. It feels like it might fly away at any moment.
December 23, 2025 at 4:38 PM
I like the icon. It feels like it might fly away at any moment.
There is pain without meaning.
There is a choice not to make sense of it.
There is a choice not to make sense of it.
December 21, 2025 at 5:29 PM
There is pain without meaning.
There is a choice not to make sense of it.
There is a choice not to make sense of it.
Trust didn’t cause the betrayal.
It revealed the truth of the relationship.
It revealed the truth of the relationship.
December 20, 2025 at 4:52 PM
Trust didn’t cause the betrayal.
It revealed the truth of the relationship.
It revealed the truth of the relationship.
A state is something to be handled, not read.
December 19, 2025 at 3:19 PM
A state is something to be handled, not read.
This person isn’t trying to control my life right now.
they’re just processing their own anxiety.
they’re just processing their own anxiety.
December 18, 2025 at 5:03 AM
This person isn’t trying to control my life right now.
they’re just processing their own anxiety.
they’re just processing their own anxiety.
Trust is not about trusting the other person.
It’s about not losing the place you can return to.
It’s about not losing the place you can return to.
December 16, 2025 at 1:23 PM
Trust is not about trusting the other person.
It’s about not losing the place you can return to.
It’s about not losing the place you can return to.
\min_{x}\ f(x)
\quad \text{subject to} \quad
g(x) = 0,
\qquad g(x) := \text{Deny(feeling)}
Under the constraint that felt experience is not denied (g(x)=0),
the cost f(x) (e.g., anger) is minimized.
\quad \text{subject to} \quad
g(x) = 0,
\qquad g(x) := \text{Deny(feeling)}
Under the constraint that felt experience is not denied (g(x)=0),
the cost f(x) (e.g., anger) is minimized.
December 15, 2025 at 2:04 PM
\min_{x}\ f(x)
\quad \text{subject to} \quad
g(x) = 0,
\qquad g(x) := \text{Deny(feeling)}
Under the constraint that felt experience is not denied (g(x)=0),
the cost f(x) (e.g., anger) is minimized.
\quad \text{subject to} \quad
g(x) = 0,
\qquad g(x) := \text{Deny(feeling)}
Under the constraint that felt experience is not denied (g(x)=0),
the cost f(x) (e.g., anger) is minimized.