Ivan is 11 today. I got him a new ball and smoked some chicken for 4 hours because it’s his favourite. He basically told me to shove it and went to bed. He’s now for sale.

I’ve been lying to my best friend for 11 years. I really don’t want it more than he does.

Thank you for letting us have your hockey team.

Ivan looks innocent but he’s 15 lbs of terror and will rip your face off with his tongue.