Working on an ad campaign about scented underwear so you can fart on airplanes with no shame. Just as Don Draper envisioned.

My brother and I have been watching old episodes of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels this week and he just threw me under the bus at a work Zoom happy hour, telling his coworkers I’ve been watching old episodes of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels alone. I’m so frickin embarrassed, I could cry

Can’t believe that website where you can have affairs has a brick and mortar shop

I like to separate the art from the artist, but the artist is a very nice person making dogshit art.

Chicago South Side Irish people LOVE telling bartender’s that they’re South Side Irish.

Starting off February 14th strong by writing “Happy Valentine’s Day” on all 845 of Anne Hathaway’s instagram posts :)

I got kicked out of that Chicago casino because I begged and cried that they let the tamale guy in

Verse 2 of Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On might have my favorite song lyric ever?

“Love was when I loved you”

Listen, I hate the lack of even distribution amongst ingredients at Chipotle as much as the next guy, but every now and then a pocket of sour cream at the end of a burrito REALLY hits the spot.

Having sex on a cross country train ride, I’m joining the Mile Long Club

It’s so embarrassing buying toilet paper. Oh great, now everyone at this CVS Pharmacy knows I take fat shits that require 12 mega (48 regular) rolls.

My boys pranked my ass by uploading a bunch of pics of my dad’s autopsy on my Aura Frame

Wrapping up my Thanksgiving tradition of going to the bars I went to last night to pick up all the travelers checkbooks I forgot to close out.