My hope is that this tool makes it a little easier to see the people in your life, whether they’re in the office, at the grocery store, or at home, as humans with blind spots and deep seated motivations built up over a lifetime (just like you and me).

Taking a moment to imagine the possible motivations behind their actions is empathy at work.
Grappling with the idea that someone’s irritating behaviors aren’t something that they are doing to bother you on purpose is empathy.

These realities could be the motivation behind the thoughts that are now influencing their behavior.

This question takes you out of frustration mode and into a space with cognitive control;

From here, you can better grapple with the reality that this human frustrating you was raised in a different situation alongside different realities from the ones that shaped you.

Step 1: Notice when you’re feeling that frustration building inside you.

Listen for a moment to what you’re thinking. I bet you’re asking something like…

“Why can’t they JUST act like an adult?”

I wand you to ask yourself THIS instead:

“What dynamic shaped them?”

Empathy is a buzzword you’ve probably heard a lot.

It’s a concept that can be hard to pin down, but it sounds SO good!

So, when someone is annoying, the easy advice for communicating better is to just empathize.

Let me give you a tool to put all that empathy into practice ➡️

For more #interpersonalcommunications tools and tips, follow me here on Bluesky, on LinkedIn, or check out my book: Owning Your IT: bit.ly/OwnYourIT

In your next conversation, think about what you’re trying to accomplish. Try and understand what the person you’re talking with is trying to accomplish.

How does this focus affect your conversation? My hunch is it will help you navigate the conversation with greater purpose.

When someone is listening, I find they’re often trying to accomplish one of the following:

1. To Win
2. To Understand
3. To Fix
4. To Reply
5. To Learn
6. To Bond

Understanding your goal in a conversation helps to align your nonverbals (your body movements) and paraverbals (your tone, pace of speech, word choice or volume) with your intent.

This intentional approach lead to a more constructive conversation.

For more on topics like these, follow me here and on Linkedin, check out my book “Owning Your IT”, and stay tuned for the link to my first round of #interpersonalcommmunications courses going live in 2026 — it’s especially perfect for professionals who need their #PDU’s, #CEU’s and #PDC’s

Becoming aware of your blindspots isn’t easy.

And, even when you do, it isn’t always clear how to put it all into action.

That’s where I step in with actionable tools to help you put what you’ve learned to good use in your real life, not just in theory.

Maybe you’re not getting the promotion you feel otherwise ready for?

Or, you’re finding it hard to work with that one person (you know the one) in your office?

My guess is that there are behavioral blindspots in your way, hijacking the show, and it’s time you took back control.

When you don’t own your ‘IT’ or you expertise, you leave parts of yourself in the shadow where they can’t help you, and worse, they can hijack you.

Driving your actions and hurting your ability to effectively communicate in many important areas of your life without you knowing, at all.