And I don’t know what to do. God, help us. Turn our hearts to compassion to treat every person just as we would want to be treated ourselves.

I have watched American ire toward the literal Least of These in our society continue climbing for the past 20 years. Something is existentially broken and sick in us to condone this kind of suffering in “the land of the free.” None of us are innocent in this arrangement. It is a horror.

The traumas undocumented people face, even in the easiest circumstances, would crush most people. Just simply witnessing people’s lives left deep marks of trauma for me, as well. Yet their lives and labor are the foundation of the American economy.

This was after facing life-threatening circumstances crossing the desert by foot, often losing everything from predatory actors, some facing family separation or abandonment by Coyotes in the middle of perilous, sprawling wilderness.

So there’s my unsolicited advice for those seeking to build community but wondering where one place might exist to find it.

Who have challenged and often changed my mind to become more caring and compassionate and accepting (still a work in progress), and with whom I feel safe to be my whole messy, endlessly seeking self.

This is the foundation of trust. And amid these messy relationships, I have met people I could call in the middle of the night in a crisis, who I trust with my kids, and who are delightful, funny, and kind—

Which is not to say that we should tolerate outright harm—certainly not. But it is important to tolerate annoyance, difference, and disagreement; to interrogate ourselves and face how we, too, might be wrong or strident or even cruel, and to seek mutual grace in our ongoing growth.

This is how we learn to really be community—by improving and learning and trying again, having hard conversations, doing hard things, and showing up again tomorrow, sometimes with a few people whose personalities we barely tolerate, at best.

Progressive churches certainly have their own issues, but you can expect to find a robust practice of democracy and community, complete with all the annoying and sometimes toxic messiness of humanity.

These denominations have histories of supporting imperialism and slavery, and denying women and LGBTQIA+ leadership or full inclusion, positions that continue to inform their theological and structural DNA.

Steer clear of denominations like Presbyterian—PCA, Lutheran—Missouri Synod, the Southern Baptist Convention, and most non-denominational churches which tend to be Southern Baptist lite.

Find a church that explicitly ordains women and LGBTQIA+ people, supports action on climate change, organizes for racial and economic justice, and welcomes your most intense doubts and questions.

If you’re looking for progressive churches, check out these denominations: Presbyterian—PC(USA), Lutheran—ELCA, United Church of Christ, Disciples of Christ, United Methodist Church, Episcopal Church, American Baptists, Mennonites, or Quakers. (There are others, too, but these are the biggest)