www.instagram.com/reel/DFUEAi9...

Nooo (she says with her voice dripping with sarcasm) he wasn’t behind this at all…

View from my ring doorbell right now. Los Angeles is on fire. I hope everybody out there is OK.

I asked AI to make a profile picture for me. I think it’s quite accurate.

Dear cleaner at my gym who’s always in there tidying up when I’m in the ladies room. I feel violated when you talk to me through the door, then crawl under the door & wipe me Ok the last part didn't happen,but I felt it coming when a lady from the next stall yelled “Maria time for my pat & fluff"

The only thing scarier than watching a commercial for "Man Depends" in which an army of middle aged men go proudly marching down the street in their regular manly clothing up top and their "Depends" disposable Man Panty Diapers below... is the realization that you dated one of them

There is really never a day when I had said to myself “ Gee I’d love to see RFK Junior naked”

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Oh hey if you are looking to get a quick blow out or weave while also mourning your dead relatives have I got a place for you! Keratin & Kaddish?

I tried to do yoga at home this morning, but my dogs had other ideas

There was a time in my life when Dr. Oz let me down some crazy diet paths… and you know they were all kind of faily because he was full of s**t and now he will be working with RFK Junior, so that’s not too scary or anything if anybody needs me I’ll be hiding in a corner in the fetal position

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I think I’m suffering from blue sky performance anxiety

Well, at least it got that one right.

Post puppicino coma

I guess I’m a follower. I just like to put it out there that I left X the second that man bought it!