Don’t be like this.

But, unless I tell you directly how I feel, understand:

Aside from being another human being that I feel like I can simply, platonically vibe with… please assume that there’s nothing else that you have that I “want”.

I don’t want that.

If they are that 1/10, who was a washboard-ab, marble-hewn bicep jock I met at music camp when I was 16 years old—a guy who ACTUALLY gave a fuck about me being bullied by other people in the camp—then I will let them know, “I like you, a lot.”

But, when I talk with women specifically, that’s when the unsolicited boyfriend-dropping, girlfriend-dropping, and partner-dropping happens. Either that, or it’s some mention of their sexuality being exclusively Y or Z.

So, “what does this have to do with me”?

Being ace, what this means for me is that, 9/10 times, I’m not interested in the other person (women, men, non-binary) sexually, but platonically.

That other “1/10” of the time is an aesthetic attraction, but I STILL don’t want “sex”.

It isn’t personal towards you. Men can be pigs (yes, we can), and women are pressured by peers and parents (she said the mom, specifically, but I actually don’t if that’s true) to “find a man”.

So there’s pressure on both ends of that binary.

The thing is, until very, VERY recently, I wasn’t honest about my experiences of attraction.

I am *decidedly* asexual, and I am also capable of romantic attraction.

What the lady told me at work was:>

Basically, that “relationship/sexuality version” of name-dropping (when a woman/female presenting individual presumedly “wants you to KNOW that they aren’t interested in you”) was never personal, though I’ve always received it that way.

“The perfect plan” never beats an improvised one. That’s just how I work.

But ultimately, the question I need to ask myself is: “Why do I care about that?”

I’m not really sure that I do.

If I’m in a conversation, and I catch myself overestimating “self’s” value in the eyes of the other person/people, I have to reflect on that in a way that applies to my circumstances:

“Which of my two ‘core wounds’ are being triggered at this moment? And, *genuinely*, why?”

On second thought, my gut is like, “No.”

I’m glad in general that you’ve reunited with an old passion. I’m also interested to know in the future how your perspective on characters and situations in the books have changed (if at all), now that you’ve realized that you’re ace.

Bro’s got an eleventh knuckle.

Bondage is so fucking hot.

Based then and now.

My brain just fucked with me, thought you said “my jits tiggle”😆