It’s the weekend and the sun is finally out. I’ve claimed the best sunbeam in the house and I’m not moving unless snacks are involved. Toasty paws, zero responsibilities, and absolutely no regrets.

#WeekendMode #WarmAndUnbothered #SunbeamFlex

Tried to open the cabinet.
Didn’t work.
So I knocked over a plant.

Not out of anger—out of principle.
I don’t do consequences. I do vibes.

#FelineLogic #PlantHadItComing #MoodManagement

The birds are back on the balcony.
Majestic. Chaotic. Probably gossiping.

My weird brother’s at the window chirping at them
like he’s going to join them.
Sweetie, you don’t even have an attention span,
let alone wings.

#BirdWatch2025 #DelusionalButAdorable #IndoorCatProblems

Grateful every day I’m not a human.
No performance reviews. No existential podcasts.
No billionaires tweeting through a midlife crisis.

Mom and dad were talking about Elon finally leaving.
Now if only he’d take his flamethrower and go all the way to Mars.

#CatSupremacy #NoHumansNoProblems #ByeElon

Tried to start my day with grace and stillness.
Then the weird brother did that thing again.
You know the one. With the curtain.

Now I’m emotionally unavailable until further notice.

#DomesticDrama #FelineBoundaries #NotMyCircusNotMyCat

Moved from Minnesota to Colorado.
Traded mosquitoes the size of drones
for air so thin I get winded judging people.

Still, the sun hits my fur just right.
A decent upgrade. Fewer lakes. More altitude.
Same disdain.

#RelocationRant #MountainCat #NewTerritorySameAttitude

Mondays are for regret,
lukewarm coffee,
and pretending the weekend wasn’t a hallucination.

I’ll be under the bed until morale improves.

#MondayMeltdown #CatWisdom #SendSnacks

Happy Mother’s Day
to the woman who raised me,
tolerates my weird younger brother,
and pretends the dog (our “cousin”)
isn’t a chaos muppet in fur.

You deserve more than flowers—
you deserve silence and a nap.

#MothersDay #CatThoughts #FamilyDrama

I knocked over your glass to test gravity. I shred your couch to test your love.

I didn’t kill the mouse. I outsourced it. Blood is hard to get out of velvet paws.

Woke my mom up by yelling because I could see a naked spot in my bowl. She said, “Oh my GOD you are spoiled, dude!” How dare she. I deserve to be worshipped!

Another beautiful Colorado morning. The sun is just peeking through the clouds. The birds are chirping. I hate it.