Parents were divorced and we saw dad maybe once or twice a year. Mind you he lived around 86km away. That's an hour's drive. So I felt completely alone, always.

near the same level as him. But despite all of this I'm not mad at him. It's not his fault mom loves and cares for him more than me, he didn't ask for it. I've never held it against him. He's still my brother and I love him.

the conclusion that my medical transition from female to male was also a way for me to try to become like my brother, at the ripe age of 28 when I started, so that I'd be loved the same. Needless to say it didn't work out. I just learned that I'm just a cheap knock off still nowhere

bother and an apparent burden on her. Often times I think and wonder why she didn't just give me away. All I ever wanted was to be loved. I tried so much to be like him. By copying him I thought I'd get even a sliver of the same love he receives. I've thought about it a lot lately and I've come to

I remember when grandpa died and I was very sick with anorexia. Felt like I need a hug, so I asked for one. Instead got yelled at and rejected. "My father has just died!". I remember going away and crying. Then I just thought it'd be better for me to die as well so I'd stop being such a

I had no choice. There was no warmth for me, only for my brother because he has ADHD. In her words, I've always been functional and independent. But he needed more help, to the point where I'd also say my emotional and psychological needs have been brushed off ever since he was born.

And my prescription has expired and I can't get any. There go my plans for killing myself. It's fucking sick how you're forced into this world without your consent and you can't even end your life when you want to

I'd like everything to stay usable and sellable so they'll have money to bury me. If I do it outside of my apartment the risk of someone finding me and playing hero is very high.

My only concern is where to die. It needs to be in my apartment. I'd like to die on my bed, but the mess would be easier to clean up if I died in the bathroom. I'm also thinking whether the smell of death will get stuck in my things like furniture and instruments and what not.

I'm pretty confident in my plan. I think it'll take around 3 or 4 days for anyone to become suspicious of why I'm not around and by then it'll be too late so no one can play hero and "save" me.

I don't want to live in a world where people are only seen as expenses. I don't want to live in a world where human life has no value.

No matter what I do society is only interested in my possible ability to earn and pay taxes, and when I can't earn because I have no job I'm worthless and constantly treated like shit.

I'm so tired of being worth less than a mosquito's shit for society. I hate the government, I hate the world leaders, I hate the global injustice, I hate the corruption, I hate the greed, I hate the fact that no matter how hard I try I can't get a job, I hate the fact that I cannot support myself.

It says in the Таlmud that Jеsus in Hell boiling in a pot of excrement. They spit on Сhrіstіаns, they shove and push Сhrіstіаns, they call Сhrіstіаns names, they call Jеsus names, they throw stones at Сhrіstіаns. They hate Jеsus and Сhrіstіаns with pure passion.