me at the blackjack table: ohhhhh im boutta busttttttt

patrick bateman if he was a problematic youtuber: let’s see paul allen’s twitlonger

ben shapiro using his safe word during sex: Let’s say, hypothetically, you slowed down a little. Let’s also say, for the sake of argument, that we changed positions because my leg is starting to cramp. Then, hypothetically speaking, I would be able to cum.

friend: hey are u doing okay? ur acting kinda weird

me, sweating profusely, convinced someone put a hit on me: yeah there’s just a lot of bald people here

(Thinking about how to slowly break in my new followers to the fact that I’m a communist) do you guys like sharing

new episode of bar rescue

jon taffer: THE KITCHEN IS SO DIRTY THEYRE GONNA FUCKING KILL SOMEBODY

aj and big justice: this bar gets 5 DOOMS!!!