After going through the gamut of Burns' experiences, we land here, & there is Rivers. There is the therapeutic relationship between the two men: Burns discovering himself as he discovers Rivers waiting for him, coming back for that

When I say the book is luminous with compassion, that's what I mean

A couple of things:

Burns' character remains consistent with what we know about him from his earlier interaction with Rivers: he worries about upsetting others.

Rivers' character remains the same: his first reaction is to smile at Burns. Does Barker need to say what Rivers feels? No. Just show us

And then here is Burns, after all of that, finally making his way back to the hospital, anticipating being in trouble for his disappearance over most of the day.

We're simply alongside him in the flow of his experience, the way Rivers was alongside him when he was shaking in the earlier scene, putting an arm around him, acknowledging that it doesn't get better (for Burns), and wrapping him in his coat. Acknowledging the nature of his suffering.

But read the scene, and you get a profound felt sense from all his actions. You don't have to logically understand him, or even interpret what is happening - she just shows us what is going on for the character. She doesn't tell us what to feel about him, or think about him, or about what he's doing

For me, reading this in my 20s when my PTSD was at its worst, I had a feeling of being seen, because that is somewhat the nature of traumatic experience: often wordless, not making sense on a head level, but discovering your own reactions as they occur. Anyone looking on might think you were mad.

A bit later, Burns wanders outside on his own. He comes across a gruesome sight: a tree festooned with the bodies of dead animals. It's a powerful scene. He begins to flee. Then he calms down and returns to the tree instead. I think this scene works because she doesn't dilute it with explanation.

It's enough to show how responsive Rivers is, his capacity to put himself alongside his patient. Rather than standing clear, he's putting his arm around Burns, offering acknowledgement, "It doesn't get any better, does it?" Rivers knows when Burns is kindly fobbing him off. They are on the same page

This connects to something else I'm still struck by: she's very much show-don't-tell. Here's Rivers with a patient who can't keep food down. Does Barker need to tell us that Rivers is compassionate? No. She just needs to show us what he does and how he reacts.

One - which I've felt before - is she writes therapeutic encounters well. The dialogues feel real (to me, who has been in both roles.) You often get W. H. R. River's perspective as the psychiatrist. The therapeutic relationship feels genuine, and his interventions are full of unspoken compassion.

This also makes me fiercely glad that I yelled about the cultural importance of wangxian and Mo Dao Zu Shi for Vox's proposed submissions for the new queer canon: www.vox.com/culture/2315...

We need beloved queer heroes now more than ever, especially in periods of draconian criminalization.

Unless I break down and stuff 101 different stories about the wolfhound into the book, and then watch the word count balloon wildly past 150K 😂

In which case maybe there'll be a wolfhound edit of the book, the way some romance authors release a more spicy and a less spicy version of the same book 😅

The WIP is now at 100K words. I wouldn't be surprised if this one pushes 150K words. I do have ideas for how to edit it down. But that can come after I finish a 1st draft.

At this pace, it'll take me <a month to reach 150K, so I might know the full scope of the edit before the year's up.

if the hundreds of thousands of western danmei fans were actually able to organize our shit tho. just think how formidable we could be. let yourself dream it for a moment. then fall on your face and beg the heavens for the writers who put their LIVES ON THE LINE to give you THESE STORIES to be safe.

If I never want it to end (& it's always hard saying goodbye to the characters when I write the very last scene!), then odds are better that for the type of reader who is also character and relationship-driven, they won't either.

Most of all I want to write what I love to read, & that's what I love

If they were in relationships where they might have kids (adoptive or otherwise), I would know how those kids turned out, and who they eventually made friends with, fell in love with too.

I would know what happened to all their pets. I would know what a found family reunion looks like for everyone.

Because I will have been falling for the characters & their relationships myself, over weeks and months while writing them.

I will have scenes in my head where I went on spinning out their relationships in funny, sweet, revealing ways. I will have knowledge of where they are 10, 20, 30 years later.