Madeline Kahnivore
LightNews LightNews
banner
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Madeline Kahnivore
@madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
480 followers 2K following 210 posts
She/her 🏳️‍🌈💍 Voracious reader 📚 (find me on StoryGraph!) Master Gardener 🌿 Kind, not nice ✊🏿🇺🇦🇵🇸🏳️‍⚧️ Progressive banshee in Iowa 🌽 Movies & TV ♏️ Spooky betch 365 🐦‍⬛👻 All opinions are mine, my own, my precious 👹
Posts Replies Media Videos
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Our goofball, Eugene (Tabby), and our late, beautiful but insane, Whiskey (Calico)
A tabby cat sits politely in a laundry basket A close up of a calico cat
August 8, 2025 at 7:25 PM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Just snagged this after infinity recommendations
July 4, 2025 at 7:20 PM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Nick Fox of Zootopia looking uncomfortable
June 18, 2025 at 1:50 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Corporate needs you to find the difference between these two photographs.
Elon Musk with a terrible haircut. Elon Musk a terrible haircut. Actually, this is Gary Oldman in The Fifth Element, but potato tomato.
March 6, 2025 at 12:30 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
I have different solutions:
Marge Simpson declaring how interesting she find guillotines.
March 4, 2025 at 2:15 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Second submission: complete.
A description of the movie Hereditary filled in a text portal .
March 4, 2025 at 1:33 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
First submission: complete
A poor description of the plot of Kangaroo Jack entered into a report portal. Marge Simpson holding a guillotine stating that she thinks they’re neat . A confirmation screen announcing that the tip has been successfully submitted.
March 4, 2025 at 1:17 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Oh, hello #flashes
•
•
•
#englishbulldog #englishbulldogsofflashes #rescuedog #rescuedogsofflashes #seniordog #seniordogsofflashes #puppymillsurvivor #goodbyeig
A grumpy white and brindle English Bulldog side eyes the camera while curled up on a beige blanket .
March 3, 2025 at 5:11 PM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Requesting good vibes for this tiny terror who — along with *gestures vaguely* EVERYTHING ELSE— is mysteriously ill ❤️‍🩹☹️

Whiskey, YOU are meant to be the healthy one!! 😩
A calico cat lays looking uninterested on a blue rubber rug . A calico cat looks out the barred door of a plastic cat carrier.
January 22, 2025 at 4:33 PM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Obi-wan Kenobi grimly describes a million voices crying out in terror and then being suddenly silenced .
January 19, 2025 at 3:55 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
It’s over 😭😭😩 Farewell, #tiktok
A TikTok screen shows an error message stating that the app is no longer available.
January 19, 2025 at 3:37 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
These two stinkers 💖🥰
A happily snoozing calico cat rests directly behind a disgruntled looking English Bulldog on a sofa
January 18, 2025 at 12:13 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
~34 seconds into #TheSubstance and I am already upset:
The opening of The Substance featuring one egg yolk. A neon green liquid is injected into the yolk, and a second egg yolk slowly grows out of its soft yellow center.
January 16, 2025 at 12:40 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Do you guys remember when the government told us to eat 6-10 servings of bread *every day* for peak American health? Because I DO.
An approved food pyramid provided suggestions of food groups to include every day : 8 servings of water minimum; 2-3 servings of Milk, Cheese, and Yogurt; 2-3 servings of Meat, Poultry, Fish, Eggs, or Nuts; 3-5 servings of Vegetables; 2-4 servings of Fruit; 6-11 servings of Bread, Cereal, Rice, & Pasta; alcohol and fats in limited quantities.
January 13, 2025 at 9:22 PM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Are they….are they sponsored by New Balance?
Image for strikingly similar logo for New Balance shoes
December 5, 2024 at 12:48 PM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
☹️ I *know* that JP is just The Island of Dr. Moreau but with dinos.

REGARDLESS.
Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Do you guys think God is pissed at us?” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “We made and ant water with human lips who knows how to whisper the word ‘steven’” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “dinosaurios (Spanish)”
November 26, 2024 at 10:45 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Whoops, there was a miscommunication. One of our dinosaurs has CRUSHED a girl that was visiting the park. Sorry for the mixup.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “In the spirit of body positivity, we are going to start making dinosaurs that are complete uggos.”
November 26, 2024 at 10:39 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “The night crew is hard at work installing a new monolith.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Please stop prank calling us and asking if we have a mega sore ass.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “One of our dinosaurs has a crush on one of our visitors.”
November 26, 2024 at 10:36 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
The “raptor killed a guy” had me wheezing the first time I saw it 🤣😂🤣💨
Tumblr user justlgbtthings comment: “And then there’s this:” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Adding more birds.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “A raptor just killed a guy. Shot him to death.”
November 26, 2024 at 10:34 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Not enough guests came today so the dinosaurs are starving. wtf guys.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Does anyone have a scrap of J.K. Rowling’s clothes that we could let a dinosaur smell? Not for anything crazy, haha just to hunt her for sport.”
November 26, 2024 at 10:30 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “If you’re planning to visit and are concerned about the dinosaurs getting out of their enclosures, they don’t really get out of them unless they want to.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Fuck Barney.”
November 26, 2024 at 10:28 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Message, “Jurassic Park Updates: “Fuck it. Making a werewolf.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Ah shit ummm the Kim Kardashian birthday party is here lol.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “We baptize all our dinosaurs just in case all that catholic shit turns out to be true.”
November 26, 2024 at 10:26 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Something about her vibe is super threatening and the dinosaurs respect her so we are leaving this one alone.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “T. Rex died. Visit the temporary golden retriever instead.” Message, Jurassic Park Updates: “Gave the dinosaurs a bunch of candy and now they feel like shit.”
November 26, 2024 at 10:23 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
Y’know who I *do* miss from the Other Place?

This account:
Message from, “Jurassic Park Updates: In the spirit of Halloween, we’ve made the park more spooky by purposefully leaving human bones scattered around the premises so if you find one that’s why.” 2nd message, Jurassic Park Updates: “We found a normal kid living in one of the exhibits. It seems like the dinosaurs letting her live here? What should we do.”
November 26, 2024 at 10:20 AM
madelinekahnivore.bsky.social
She don’t love me 🤨 She just loves my opposable thumbs 🥫🍽️
November 24, 2024 at 1:41 PM