Yeah, it's the worst case of technical debt I have ever seen in my entire life 😭

That project also interacts with "drivers" written in C++, some of which consist of source files that are over 2.000 lines long. No CI/CD pipeline, barely any tests. I can't even debug everything locally because some drivers interact with some crazy proprietary hardware.

Just to give some insight as to how bad that project is: It relied on Node 12 and used a 6 year old React version. Debugging the backend is literally impossible because it crashes when running in an IDE. Release management consisted of manually sending a JAR file via Teams(?!)

Haven't tested it in depth yet but I think 3-4 hours should be possible with the dGPU enabled. I could probably get a few more hours by only using the iGPU (which is more than enough for coding, multimedia and playing mc)

It was about 3.300€, but I could have gotten it a bit cheaper if I just picked less storage, memory and an IPS display instead of miniLED. Initially I wanted to buy it next month but I ended up getting a discount of ~450€ so I just pulled the trigger early

I was thinking about going with Framework at first but after the Hyprland/DHH drama I didn't want to support something like that. For gaming there are probably far cheaper options

I got myself an XMG NEO 16 A25 (9955HX3D & 5080) - it was literally the only laptop I could find that had an MiniLED display. It's quite thick, heavy and bulky but I'm more or less okay with that. It's so powerful that I could just replace my desktop PC with it in an emergency

Still, writing assembly manually gives you a far better understanding of low-level things than most devs out there lol

Also, it's not useless or bad as long as you had fun learning & working with it :3

I almost had a panic attack after I got told what happened, I was genuinely shocked. Now I'm just feeling a mix of sadness and anger. I might have done the right thing by cutting ties, but losing someone that mattered to me like this is just too much for me to handle at the moment.

I just hoped that this one time I really mattered to someone but I was wrong yet again. All this time I've been supporting a horrible person and they didn't even bother telling me the truth after confronting them... in fact they just flat out ignored me which already tells me all I needed to know.

I genuinely hope that things will improve next year. I do want to start with therapy, hrt and laser hair removal in 2026... but still, I feel like I'm transitioning way too late and I might not be happy with the results. Still, it's the only choice I have if I ever want to live a life worth living.

Waking up and knowing that I'm allowed to just be myself calms me down a lot... but at the same time I barely know who I really am. I only know that whatever I am at the moment is something I don't want to lose anymore.

Looking back, there were so many signs... but I just didn't understand any of them. I don't know if I was just too young to understand.

Coming out to myself and finally acknowledging these emotions helped a lot, even though the rest of my life is still a wreck.

Developing your own Minecraft server will fix you (it will actually drive you insane)