Luke Kennard
@lukekennard.bsky.social
Novelist, poet, lecturer at University of Birmingham.
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Luke Kennard
@lukekennard.bsky.social
· Sep 15
Reminder that my new poetry collection (my SEVENTH because I apparently cannot take a hint) is available from Picador www.panmacmillan.com/authors/luke...
Was there ever a contestant on The Gong Show whose act was playing a big gong?
November 11, 2025 at 7:44 AM
Was there ever a contestant on The Gong Show whose act was playing a big gong?
The new trend sweeping millennial dads is “Profound Parenting” where you only say really profound things to your kids
November 10, 2025 at 9:48 PM
The new trend sweeping millennial dads is “Profound Parenting” where you only say really profound things to your kids
It’s the novels published just after literature stops being cool again I feel sorry for
November 10, 2025 at 6:26 PM
It’s the novels published just after literature stops being cool again I feel sorry for
This wasn’t the poem I meant to photocopy. I guess let’s just try to write another poem inspired by it anyway.
November 10, 2025 at 6:05 PM
This wasn’t the poem I meant to photocopy. I guess let’s just try to write another poem inspired by it anyway.
You bully me for my odd socks on Odd Socks Against Bullying Day?!
November 10, 2025 at 8:15 AM
You bully me for my odd socks on Odd Socks Against Bullying Day?!
If nothing else the last two months of tooth stuff means that I will be identifiable by my dental records with a 0% margin of error.
November 9, 2025 at 6:12 PM
If nothing else the last two months of tooth stuff means that I will be identifiable by my dental records with a 0% margin of error.
As the recipes say, you can use crème freche instead of cream in leek and potato soup but you need to be aware that it will make it taste almost entirely of crème freche.
November 9, 2025 at 3:36 PM
As the recipes say, you can use crème freche instead of cream in leek and potato soup but you need to be aware that it will make it taste almost entirely of crème freche.
I think the problem with Frankenstein is we’ve just been a bit overexposed to it over the years. It’s like, yeah, we *know* ugh stop going on about it
November 8, 2025 at 10:08 PM
I think the problem with Frankenstein is we’ve just been a bit overexposed to it over the years. It’s like, yeah, we *know* ugh stop going on about it
Just half an hour in to Frankenstein: Tokyo Drift and I feel like it really badly wants to be a musical, in fact I think it should have been
November 8, 2025 at 9:32 PM
Just half an hour in to Frankenstein: Tokyo Drift and I feel like it really badly wants to be a musical, in fact I think it should have been
This Frankenstein joke is just cobbled together bits of other people’s Frankenstein jokes
November 8, 2025 at 8:01 PM
This Frankenstein joke is just cobbled together bits of other people’s Frankenstein jokes
This beautiful little dog ran to me in the park and sat on my foot and it made me happy.
November 8, 2025 at 4:30 PM
This beautiful little dog ran to me in the park and sat on my foot and it made me happy.
“I don’t think anyone wants to write a book set in the present day with everything that’s going on. For one thing people keep getting angry with Nintendo and I don’t even know why.” - my youngest
November 8, 2025 at 3:08 PM
“I don’t think anyone wants to write a book set in the present day with everything that’s going on. For one thing people keep getting angry with Nintendo and I don’t even know why.” - my youngest
“We noticed a suspicious new log in” Yes - it’s ME in my PERMANENT RESIDENCE, trying to log in so I can change my password because you didn’t tell me about the *actually* suspicious log ins from numerous diverse places hundreds of miles away.
November 7, 2025 at 4:35 PM
“We noticed a suspicious new log in” Yes - it’s ME in my PERMANENT RESIDENCE, trying to log in so I can change my password because you didn’t tell me about the *actually* suspicious log ins from numerous diverse places hundreds of miles away.
🎵 carried away by a 4 bean salad
November 7, 2025 at 12:35 PM
🎵 carried away by a 4 bean salad
My laptop keeps saying “Scale AI across your organisation!” as a cheery lock-screen message, and also every web browser keeps crashing and it won’t save my presentation.
November 6, 2025 at 1:29 PM
My laptop keeps saying “Scale AI across your organisation!” as a cheery lock-screen message, and also every web browser keeps crashing and it won’t save my presentation.
Having finished the first ep of Cemetery Road I have deleted my earlier, milder post and revised my opinion: that is one of the single worst things I have ever watched in my life.
November 5, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Having finished the first ep of Cemetery Road I have deleted my earlier, milder post and revised my opinion: that is one of the single worst things I have ever watched in my life.
A group of vehicles travelling together under one jurisdiction or management. And the ethos behind their management? Groove.
November 5, 2025 at 4:02 PM
A group of vehicles travelling together under one jurisdiction or management. And the ethos behind their management? Groove.
An *armada* of groove. A vast fleet of armed ships, and what they’re armed with is groove.
November 5, 2025 at 3:58 PM
An *armada* of groove. A vast fleet of armed ships, and what they’re armed with is groove.
I bought a pasty so hot I’ve been walking around with it for an hour and still can’t bring it within an inch of my face without scorching said face.
November 5, 2025 at 2:55 PM
I bought a pasty so hot I’ve been walking around with it for an hour and still can’t bring it within an inch of my face without scorching said face.
If you’re travelling for work and you want to smell nice for free you can just go to most department stores and they spray you with perfume - you can save up to £400 a year
November 4, 2025 at 11:36 AM
If you’re travelling for work and you want to smell nice for free you can just go to most department stores and they spray you with perfume - you can save up to £400 a year
🎵 sub-panel! Sub-panel! Were subjugated to the panel!
November 3, 2025 at 9:34 AM
🎵 sub-panel! Sub-panel! Were subjugated to the panel!
Proofs of my new novel, Black Bag - American edition on the left from Zando; UK edition from John Murray on the right. It is out March 2026.
November 3, 2025 at 8:00 AM
Proofs of my new novel, Black Bag - American edition on the left from Zando; UK edition from John Murray on the right. It is out March 2026.
My advice after the last 5 weeks is never let a dentist do anything to your teeth. Leave it 30-40 years and have them replaced with wooden teeth.
November 2, 2025 at 6:04 PM
My advice after the last 5 weeks is never let a dentist do anything to your teeth. Leave it 30-40 years and have them replaced with wooden teeth.
I always add a little exclamation mark after “emails” on my to-do lists to foil my brain into thinking it might be something fun!
November 2, 2025 at 4:44 PM
I always add a little exclamation mark after “emails” on my to-do lists to foil my brain into thinking it might be something fun!