I have gotten way better about controlling my emotions and not lashing out or being petty if something happens to me that I feel is unfair but its still a struggle, especially when it comes to me and my partners daily lives because we are the same and opposite in so many different ways.

This is so real

800 oil changes later

I may also just be mentally ill

Dude edging yo shit like that smh

That first one is OUTRAGEOUS OMG

More on all this later, I need to think on this topic some more. Its kind of random day to day how I feel about this topic, im still young and exploring and learning about myself so Im not gonna worry about this too much

And it complicates my ability to have meaningful, sexual interactions with others who arent my partner. My brain is wired to be unbiased to sex, unobjectifying to all around me. Mood swings and drops/rises in my libido are random

Maybe its a fear of rejection or its the fact ive never had to in the past? Idk my levels of attraction are low and what or who im attracted too is random and fleeting. I feel like this makes it hard to fit in or garter these interactions with others because im so contradictory

I am flirted with so often I dont realize it or dont respond because it doesnt do much for me, I dont intend it as rude, and most of the time I like the positive attention I just...dont know how to reply? It feels fake or cringey if i try to flirt back through text or vocally or even in person

This is especially hard given the Fandom im in and the art i create, it comes with the territory that its assumed that I will act or respond a certain way because I like and draw alot of suggestive/sexual content, but its more of a hobby or simple pleasure for me and a space I share with friends.

But I still feel off sometimes, it doesnt come to me naturally because I dont think like that. I cant flirt (intentionally) and when I do accidentally im often confused on what I said or did and then start a trial of failed attempts to do/say the same thing later.

I think im just unsure how to navigate my asexuality still, im still learning my boundaries and comforts and it helps to have a supportive partner who works with me, I have opened up alot and learned to expand my palette and comfort zone with sex or sexual encounters with friends

It might be because im shy or because I have a very lowwww libido but its confusing. And it opens alot of opportunities for jealousy or loneliness or regret or disgust to slip in even if unintentional, id like to find a way to solve this eventually.

Especially socially, be they non sexual or sexual. Sometimes I yearn for the attention that others receive in both types of scenarios and other times im completely content. I like feeling included, especially sexually but I dont like engaging sexually most times.

This book was so exilerating to my like...12 year old mind i was in love, I had to beg the teacher to buy the other two so I could read them. They literally spark my love for books and made me feel like I wasnt DUMB I just liked certain books. I still dont have this set but when I get it....

Some of them i cant help but keep because im like emotionally attached to them, like the goosebumps book that was my first and only purchase from the book fair EVER in the entirety of my 12 years in school, I cherish it.

I cant wait to move into a forever home so I can build my little forever library instead of having to get rid of my books every few years/months :< Im about to donate a ton of old ones soon actually