Make the comics, coward

trying hard to curb my guilt of not being able to keep up and just focus on WHEN I can make nice things in return!

PAIGE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THEY'VE GIFTED ME STUFF LIKE

ONCE OR TWICE A DAY FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS

I CAN'T KEEP UP

I'mma chalk this up as a drunk drive-by or something. Maybe they didn't even expect me to unblock and reply. Who knows.

I've waited to see what it was they wanted and gotten nothing. So, back to being blocked.

Not sure they could say anything to prove they've changed at this point anyhow.

I've been sitting on whether or not to hit [Post all] on this for 3 hours now. We're already approaching 1 year since I had to walk away from someone I'd thought was a trustworthy friend. I didn't need another ghost to pop up.

It's been over 2 years now and out of nowhere I get an email from Patron (Which I closed down a while back now but I still have an account) informing me I'd been DMed by him on his own Patron account.

This will be interesting. I haven't thought of him nor spoken of him in ages.

I think the kicker is this was fresh off negotiations in allowing a gender swapped version of my character to be used in a project of his.

Who whole thing just accumulated with the finality of "This isn't just about me anymore" and I was done.

It goes without saying the entire topic is incredibly complex, but he was very much on the black and white "I've made my decision that the entire group is bad" camp and it threw me for a loop.

This was at the height of media sensationalizing either bad apples or blatant over-reactions in the trans movement in recent years.

I had to hesitantly agree to let him use a gender swapped character of mine for some big comic project he wanted to order. Again, because I was concerned of the loss of the occasional comm.

The breaking point was him coming out of nowhere with this banger.

Reflecting on it, there had been a LOT of red flags here and there, but I opted to ignore it out of desperation for the occasional comm work.

A very discomforting thing was him assuming he co-owned a character of mine just because said character was in a lot of comms with his character.

There were times where they went to alternative routes to contact me, not seeing what they'd done wrong. Months would pass and they'd STILL contact me on one of my alts on tumblr like there was a chance for us to be chummy again.

After about a year of silence, I stopped thinking about them.

2 years ago I walked away from a client who out of NOWHERE came out as Transphobic. I gave him 2 chances to back up and he failed, so that was it. I blocked them and made sure their patronage was removed.

I am not always interested in the the things my friends are into.

But I am interested in their joy. I love listening to them go on about the things that make them happy in this miserable world.

I listen. I ask questions. I try to contribute in conversation.

Because that's what friends do.

Random people dismissing you and your interests is one thing. I can hand wave that and roll my eyes.

When it's someone you thought was your friend, someone you're willfully vulnerable with, it's another. About on the same level as a family member.

It makes you paranoid about yourself.

Thanks👍

Thanks to this one person I thought was my friend, and learning in the aftermath of walking away how they truly felt about me, I am always wondering about my present friends:

Do they actually like me

Do I annoy them

Am I better just being a quiet wallflower listening to them, but not contributing

My fluffy man

My storm cloud

My alpaca

My Norn, Papa to Quaggan

My perfect hubby 💖

Can sometimes be nice to just jump back in time a bit!