As the good Lord said, “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, one when to fold ‘em.”

My teeth are so straight and white now, I’m concerned they will vote republican.

Adopted this little guy yesterday, and he needs a new name (I just can’t call him Crinklebell). I keep telling him to get down, so I may call him KC and the Sunshine Band.

Today’s annual physical confirmed that I am now the ideal weight for a man who is four inches taller than me.

Hand to god, this is the most polleny pollen that ever pollened.

Growing older is realizing that what you once considered a personality is actually a collection of trauma responses and bad habits.

My life would be much more interesting if Morgan Freeman were narrating it.

So how’s your January?