she's very happy that i am home

I bless you with a cozy Beans

Sacred 2 remaster AND a new Pine vid. Makes me feel so much less bad about having my hours cut at work and being off today

honorable mention: Sacred 2

my sister-in-law doodled it with crayon and i IMMEDIETLY made it real and used it in my transition animation for when i become Smundge on stream. i need to redo it tho cuz its based off of Smundge 1.0 when he still had just red eyes

idk how many of my moots are Shitty Game Connoisseurs™ but I fucking LOVE Sacred 2 and the fact that the remaster that just dropped has native controller support for PC FINALLY is enough for me to get hyped rofl

im playing a little now then doing a new char for stream tomorrow

shit feels good

I am so happy to inform you that one of my emotes is Handsome Smundge

Im going straight to bogwitch hag mode

Every time i sit down to play it i end up getting on ascension wow instead XD

Or this gremlin screams at me until i relent and lie down in bed with her

I know its not real, i cant go there. But i can share it with everyone else. I hope youll stick around and bare witness to my internal madness

I know Ul'tahn isnt real. Its my internal safe space. A world created by my mind as a coping mechanism for the trauma and bullshit ive been subjected to. But it was always there, even before the bad. I have incredibly vivid maldaptive daydreams, got worse after the head injury

So little kid me was like "but, thats how my head works, but i dont feel like im being granted the word of God. What if these profits were just crazy like me. What if it was their own mind telling them stuff" id get chastized and bullied so i stopped talking about it

This is actually a huge reason i fell out of Christianity. When id ask questions about the origins of the books like how did they know some of the things they couldnt know id be met with dismissive answers like "God spoke to them" and told its not with words but the knowledge was granted.

As if im granted knowledge and its up to me to figure out its meaning and mechanics. A lot of times people ask me how i came up with an idea and i dont have an answer. One day i just knew it, with no explanation. Like Ul'tahn is a real place and i can see it in my minds eye.

My art is me choosing sanity, despite how manic i am day to do it WAY worse if i dont let my mind wander into Ul'tahn. If i dont dedicate energy into it, it starts to bleed into my vision. Some days i dont feel like a creator, i feel more like a conduit.

i lost the breaks in 2016, and the gas is stuck to the floor, its exhausting but id be bored any other way

my story will be told
Ul'tahn WILL be known

when i talk he has jaw flappys :D