I like it.
As someone who just got pissed off because my watch barely noticed me mowing my lawn, I can agree that they seem rather pointless!

*cheery* of course. Bloody autocorrect.

I'm sorry, is this a piss-take? Has to be, surely, not even he's that dumb...is he?

Neither, thanks.

You know, I don't drink any more (medical reasons) but, what with all the shit going on right now, I think I'd rather die a little earlier with a pint in my hand!

That's fucking hilarious!!