There are two kinds of people: those who understand that some things are not to be written on and those who jot phone numbers on board games.

Marketers: Let’s put away “spooktacular” for this year, shall we?

#OldGrouchEnergy

I think I’ll keep #JennyLawson’s Broken somewhere nearby for the rest of my life.

Relieved to learn there’s no story behind the expression “throw under the bus.”

https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/why-do-we-throw-someone-under-the-bus

Briefly awake at 2:30. Delighted to notice my leg didn’t hurt. Proper morning: fleeting thought to call my dad. (Not on any phone yet invented.) Hello, old age. I’ve been expecting you.

There’s a thin line between planning and daydreaming. I’m not always sure where it is.

Lord, deliver me from verification codes.

You know how everyone hopes you’re having a great day? I’m not sure I remember the last great day I had. Hbu?

Dear phone: Why are you asking what size picture to send?
You are giving me way too much credit.

I expected my adult life to involve many more media interviews.

For years now, every company I contact tells me my call will be recorded for quality assurance—yet the quality of customer service has never improved. And BTW, you’re not exactly shocking me with the revelation that calls are answered in the order received.

I’m new here. Glad to meet you!