Been cooking for my family 25years. Never have I heard my dad compliment anyone's cooking ever but tonight it finally happened. Stopped me and my sister in our tracks. Weren't even anything special either. Just lamb and veg.

Livid that my kindle hasn't picked up tonight's reading and I've lost my reading streak

Forgot I had my mate's dog at my house. Shit myself when crashed into my plant stand in my bedroom.

Reading my book. It references Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan starts playing on the radio.

Just had a message from my mum. Her & dad are away tonight and my dad's worried about how I, a fully fledged adult, will get home from the gig tonight. (He's rescued me & my fellow adult mates too many times). And that's why we all love him.

Went out tonight and made sure everyone I know gave my knew jeans validation cos I'm a needy bitch

There should be a legal obligation to declare if you snore when you book hostels and a hefty fine if you fail to do so

As kids, my childless uncle always took up out for fun days out. Then we grew up. In my early 20s I invited him to the cinema. We've been going bi-weekly since & it's the best thing I've done. He thought we'd outgrown spending time with him, but he'd actually introduced me to a love of cinema.

Just been brought to my attention that JD Vance has added loads of people to his followers who wouldn't follow him, including my dead cousin's account. Scary shit.

Welcome to the plutokleptokakistocracy! Where the ultra wealthy steal from you and run the country in the most insanely inept way imaginable.

It really does tickle me seeing mates throwing serious amounts of white stuff up their noses and in the same breath claiming to be on a detox with all their exercise and healthy eating. Give it a rest.

Why do I always pick the worst Christmas presents. Tyres, washing machine. This year - dehumidifier.

Love myself right now for having the foresight to do a massive batch of chicken broth the day before I was taken out by a horrid cold

When someone buys something on your behalf isn't it common courtesy to round up the amount rather than round down 🥴

Don't know what I enjoyed more tonight - the chicken wings or the waitress telling me I was beautiful

Not me believing the random men in my DMs are genuinely interested in my travels over the half naked photos of me 😂

About a Boy & Submarine have to be the 2 best movie soundtracks. As well as being brilliant films.

Friend asking me what I'm having for tea, and when I told her Moroccan spiced lamb with Bulgaria wheat, I was accused of always eating weird food.

Overbooking my Christmas run-up as per and skinting myself so bad I'll be surviving purely on instant noodles